Kate Marsh - Certified Master Facilitator, The Virtues Project

Volume 41 - Respect

2012-02-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

It took me all morning before I realized that it was February 2nd and for the first time in months I hadn't given a thought to writing this blog for the 1st of the month.

I wrote last month about the need for moderation in my life and I'm unhappy to report that I haven't managed to create a balance between work, rest and play so far.

When I decided to allow my name to stand to serve my community as councillor for the next three years, I truly had no idea what kind of time commitment I was making.

The sheer hours between meetings, trainings and reading rivals those of you working a full time job. At this rate, the stipend comes out to well below minimum wage. Hardly what I think we should be offering the people charged with making decisions that will impact our lives and our local environment for decades to come. (IMHP)

That aside, the most challenging aspect of the job for me thus far has been dealing with the public. A fractious group of citizens who desire to influence council about taxes has begun attending meetings. They are very confrontational, even threatening.

They show up to meetings with their anger showing on their faces and in their bodies and fling around 'facts' that are misleading and downright wrong. Rarely do they ask questions or attempt to get the facts. Their minds are already made up and they accuse council and staff of not knowing the true state of affairs in the municipality.

I'm so saddened by the lack of respect. For the staff that run our municipality and for the individuals (also taxpayers by the way) who are attempting to provide the services that make our lives easier on a daily basis.

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that "respect is an attitude of honoring ourselves and others as people of dignity. We care for each person's dignity. Everyone has the right to expect respect. We show respect in the courtesy of our words, and in our tone of voice. We are all exquisitely sensitive to respect. When we treat others as we would like to be treated, we raise the level of trust and peace in our relationships. Respect is having reverence for the earth and all living things. When we live respectfully, we are a source of grace in the world."

Before hearing anything about where individual members stand or council as a whole, these people came out attacking - not just potential positions, but the people charged with making them. And the questions they asked seemed to be only to get their agenda on the floor, as they rebutted the answers with their own distorted 'facts'.

This early experience has been contrasted starkly for me by a public hearing that took place in chambers yesterday. The hall was filled, mostly with neighbours who came to give input on the potential rezoning of a lot in their area that would allow the owner to build another home.

Their feelings were very strong, and there were two viewpoints. Yes and no. The beautiful thing about it was it was truly democracy in action. Each speaker spoke their views and concerns eloquently and respectfully. The difference was astonishing.

At the end of the hearing I felt revived and refreshed. This was community consultation. When I commented on it and thanked them, they smiled and stood taller. They filed out of the room, a group of neighbours, using and respecting the democratic process and those of us left to carry on the business of the day felt like part of a wonderful community.

I'm afraid there are very few of us who can listen to angry vitriol and not feel defensive or at the very least, the need to protect and defend oneself. It's hard to not feel personally attacked.

The challenges facing humanity are going to require everything we have. The only way we have a hope is to learn how to consult together respectfully. To allow everyone's viewpoint to be heard. To then enable the clash of differing opinions to hopefully ignite the spark of truth.

When we play the right/wrong blame/shame game everyone loses.

My hope for humanity is that we will learn to work together.

Namaste

~ Kate

"There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other." Chief Dan George

The Practice of Respect

I treat myself and others with dignity.

I speak and act with courtesy.

I am a peace builder.

I expect respect at all times.

I honor the sacredness of all life.

I live graciously.

I am thankful for the gift of Respect. It helps me to handle life with care.

Reflection Questions

How can I treat others with dignity?

What practices allow me to expect respect at all times?

What boundaries do I need to set to make sure I am respected?

How can I be a peace builder?

Volume 40 - Moderation

2012-01-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

"Moderation is the silken thread running through the pearl chain of all virtues." Joseph Hall

Sometimes on the every-day-a-thon of life we can get very out of balance. Moderation has been my greatest challenge virtue. (okay, maybe it's a tie between moderation and orderliness)

Linda Kavelin Popov, co-founder of the Virtues Project and author of A Pace of Grace, The Virtues of a Sustainable Life learned the hard way about the importance of moderation when her practice of being everything to everyone, what she calls the E type personality, resulted in being blindsided and laid low by post polio syndrome.

Those of us with energy illnesses are often the people who push themselves to the limit, over and over again, seemingly unable to practice moderation. I have learned the need to practice moderation over and over again in my life, since coming down with the mysterious syndrome we call Fibromyalgia. And when I practice moderation, my symptoms improve and my energy increases. Then once I've been feeling fabulous for a while, the old pattern of over doing rears its head once again.

From fall into winter this past year, my life became anything but moderate. It's easy for me to get out of balance. It's a long standing pattern in my life.

Between work and campaigning and service, I lost track of my time to just be. And my body has been telling me in no uncertain terms that the way I've been putting out is not sustainable. (ouch)

Today, my family had a virtues pick. And one of us chose moderation. Though it wasn't the virtue that came to me, I knew it was one I want and need to cultivate as I take up my duties in 2012 as newly elected municipal councillor and seek once again the balance that comes with moderation.

Over the holidays, I passed my long neglected harp with the several broken strings and sadly realized that what I need more of in 2012 is to make the time to play. (and a new set of harp strings) Not just play the harp, but read more novels, do more soul collage, throw more pots. (and do more pottering - just taking an afternoon now and then to do whatever calls to me around the house)

Maybe after reading about it, you'll discover you could use more moderation too.

"Moderation is being content with enough. It is using self-discipline to create healthy balance between work, rest, reflection and play. Moderation protects us from the pull of addictive desires. We do not grasp to do or have more in the belief that we are lacking. We do not try to be everything to everyone. We set healthy boundaries that value our time and energy. We protect ourselves from the stress of overdoing. We discern our own perfect rhythm. Moderation isn't deprivation. It is loving ourselves enough to choose what is just right." LKP

Just over three years ago, I made a commitment to write this blog each and every month. I wanted to be trustworthy. To my surprise, I've kept the commitment with the help of self-discipline.

Now I'm going to use self-discipline and moderation to help me keep my commitment to balance and moderation in my life. To my morning yoga practice I am going to add sitting meditation. I'm going to buy harp strings, take another pottery class and create a space for soul collage. This afternoon I even took a nap, a luxury I rarely afford myself. I'm going to ask for more cooperation from the people I live with around household chores so that the time I need to play is easily found.

If I'm not grounded, centered and energized, what good could I possibly be to others or the world?

Tich Nhat Hanh said, "If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work."

As we enter a year that appears poised to bring dramatic and sweeping global changes - politically, economically and environmentally, I've come to realize that one of the best things I can do for the world is to practice moderation in my own life so that when I do show up to serve my community, I'm coming from a good place.

I invite you to consider doing the same.

May 2012 be a year of joy and peace for you and yours and may you take hold of the silken thread of moderation to help you string together a life that serves and delights you as well as serving whatever community you find yourself in.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Moderation

I spend my time and energy sustainably.

I remember to pray and to play.

I am free of addictions.

I carry responsibility wisely.

I protect myself from the stress of excess.

I live gently and gracefully.

Reflection questions

What represents play to me?

How can I allow myself to play more?

What practices would help me to live a more sustainable life?

How can I live more gently and gracefully?

Volume 39 - Humanity

2011-12-01T17:56:00.000-08:00

Who are we? Why are we here? What matters?
What if our mission statement was Meg Wheatley's plea: "Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of this place"?

These questions and their answers must be the heart of our communities. If we don't ask these questions and live our answers, we have no basic understanding of and agreement about what we are doing here, no agreement about why we belong together.

This past November 11th -- Remembrance Day here in Canada -- I stood, as I do every year, with some of my neighbours near the cenotaph in the beautiful little seaside village I call home, honouring those who have died in war.

Listening to the local high school band (including my daughter and her friends) playing for the event, remembering an uncle whom I never had the pleasure to meet, the tears flowed.

I always feel emotional at the Remembrance Day ceremony, partly because my uncle -- Cpl. Roy Ovington -- who grew up here on Vancouver Island, at Youbou, died in battle at the tender age of 19. Partly for the tens of millions of people who have died at the hands of other people. Partly because humanity is still at war, though I've now lived through 54 Remembrance Days and heard the same pleas for peace.

For some reason, this year, I felt especially emotional, looking around the crowd. Perhaps because my only son is about to turn 20, and has his whole life ahead of him, and my uncle didn't get his. Perhaps because the better world we were supposedly creating by fighting those wars hasn't materialized for most of humanity.

I looked around and saw the familiar faces of the neighbours I see day to day or month to month, year after year -- and as I saw them, I remembered their back stories. The pain they have felt, the challenges they have faced. What they have endured.

Being human involves suffering. Things don't always go smoothly, in the life of an individual, a family, a community, a nation. We humans are always struggling to make our world -- no matter how big that is to us -- a better place.

When we are really in the thick of some of what life hands us (a terminal illness, a loss by death or divorce, loss of employment or a long cherished dream), our world can feel pretty small. Many of our brothers and sisters around the planet are imprisoned in the tiny, terrorized worlds of war zones or abject poverty, slowly dying from hunger and disease.

It struck me, standing there with tears in my eyes, that really, at the heart of it, we're more the same than we think. That we all want the same things, though we have different ideas about how to get them.

What do we all want?

I think we all want to live in a place where healthy, happy people of all ages live together peaceably and productively, in communities that cooperate ... with each other, and with the land we live on. A world that is at peace. What prevents this? I don't think humanity as a group has learned how to live the virtue of humanity.

To practice the virtue of humanity, Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us, "We must have an attitude of caring and mercy towards all people. All of us breathe the same air. All of us care about our children's future. We all suffer and we all rejoice. Though in the big scheme of things, each individual is small, we are one of a kind, irreplaceable. We lose our humanity whenever we generalize about a group of people and separate ourselves from them because of external characteristics, like race or gender."

I think we lose our humanity when we generalize about a group of people and separate ourselves based on religion or political ideology as well. There is no "they," only "us."

I recently was elected to the Council in the municipality where I live. I talked a lot about inclusiveness, about communication, about working on making it possible for marginalized people in our area to make a life here. It's become very clear to me that we can create the kind of community we all want. The kind of world community where individuals rise above the narrow confines of personal concerns, and serve the broader concerns of their neighbors.
The wider concerns of humanity.

Bruce Lee had it right when he said being "willing is not enough; we must do. Knowing is not enough; we must apply."

To really remember and honour those who died in battles -- both soldiers and civilians -- we ought to become the kind of community, worldwide, that they sacrificed their lives for.

Together, we can.

Namaste ~ Kate

The Practice of Humanity

I feel a common bond with all people.

I value each and every person as an individual.

I refrain from prejudice.

I feel empathy for the suffering of others.

I have a passion for compassion.

I offer humanitarian service.

I am thankful for the gift of Humanity. It connects me to all people.

Reflection Questions

What service does my humanity call me to?

What action would help me answer the call?

Volume 38 - Unity (in diversity)

2011-11-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

" We know that we are the ones who are divided and we are the ones who must come back together to walk in the Sacred Way." Ojibway Prayer - Oneworld Book of Prayer, p. 152

This weekend a group of folks staged a murder mystery dinner theatre event, here in the town I live in, to raise funds for an x-ray machine for our local Healthcare Centre. Haven't heard yet how much money was raised, but the raising of a sense of community was palpable.

Over the course of 2 evenings 160 people were hosted and fed a five course meal and some mighty powerful performances by a cast of 12 made up of both amateur and professional actors.

The meal was made by the incredible United Church men and women, whose hospitality and delicious fare are well known in these parts. Their able service was assisted by young people from the high school drama department and the Girl Guides of Canada. Much of the food was donated by local farms and businesses.

The play was loosely based on historical people (who's names had been changed) and on a real historical meeting that took place in 1900 to garner support for a new hospital in Chemainus. The basement of Chemainus United was transformed to look like the Horseshoe Bay Inn at the turn of the 20th century.

It was a wonderful experience and I was delighted to be a part of the committee and the wider group that put it on and to have a small role in the play. There were literally so many people involved I haven't space to name all the names.

Sitting here in bed, nursing (no pun intended) the cold that grabbed me the morning after we finished, I'm still basking in the warm memories.

The idea for the play was planted about a year ago, during a conversation with a couple who are members of the church while I was setting up to facilitate a workshop there.

It grew roots over the winter culminating in eight folks playing a box murder mystery game early in the spring (dinner being served by about the same number of observers) and then forming a committee that met over the course of about six months, planning and giving feedback to the play write - who adjusted his vision to their wise input.

Much thought and consultation went into the venture. One of the most successful things in my mind was drawing on the able contribution of the children and youth from the community.

We are spiritual beings, having a human experience as Pierre Teillard de Chardin reminds us. It's imperative then that our kids feel important and needed -- they need this so much more than they need material possessions and the latest gadgets.

Another reason for the play's success was that several professional actors -- getting wind of the event -- offered their able services. They helped us more amateur thespians rise to the occasion.

It was a longtime dream of mine - to act, and though my part was small, I could see it was an important one as was everyone else's from the villain to the people who set up the tables and chairs and washed the dishes. Without each and everyone's input and support the event could not have been the success it was.

The reception was warm and wonderful and I think everyone in the room had a sense of what a community can accomplish by working together.

I've heard there was a similar experience down the street at the Legion Hall, where another group of volunteers mounted a production of The Full Monty the last two weekends. Much of the positive buzz was around the sense of community these events engendered in performers and audience alike.

As I reflect on the process, I'm struck by how important every little step, and every person's contribution is when creating something new for the community. Each person's concerns were heard along the way and the direction was sometimes altered because of their wise council.

As I enter the final leg of my run to serve my community as municipal councillor, I reflect on the role of a Council in a community. And my commitment to better, earlier and more thorough communication deepens further.

I just know in my heart that bringing everyone into the equation is what builds a resilient community.

That's what we humans are -- all over the world -- a community. Neighbours working together, to make our future strong. Striving for unity, there is so much more that we can accomplish.

"Unity is a powerful virtue and it brings great strength. Unity is inclusiveness. It brings people together. We see our commonality without devaluing our differences. We experience our connectedness with all people and all life. Unity frees us from the divisiveness of prejudice and heals our fears. We refuse to engage in conflict, seeking peace in all circumstances. Unity comes when we value every person, in our family or in our world. The joy of one is the joy of all. The hurt of one is the hurt of all. The honor of one is the honor of all."

Linda Kavelin Popov

The Practice of Unity

I am a lover of humanity.

I seek common ground.

I appreciate differences.

I resolve conflict peacefully.

I honor the value of each individual.

I am a unifier.

I am thankful for the gift of Unity. It makes me an instrument of peace.

Reflection questions

How can I value each person I meet?

What helps me seek common ground when I meet others that are different?

How can I include children and youth more in my daily life?

In what situation might I be the instrument of peace?

Volume 37 - Perseverance

2011-10-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong. --Ella Fitzgerald

Taking on a new endeavour of any kind challenges us. I knew when I decided to throw my hat in the ring and run for municipal council that it wouldn't be a walk in the park. Actually taking the step to do it has brought up so much.

Who knew that running in an election would be so time-consuming -- before the nominations even open? And of course, whenever one steps forward advocating change, they become a screen for people's projections. Everyone expects you to know everything about their important issue. Some days, I've wanted to stop the train and get off.

I imagine there are days you feel that way, too. On those days, I feel it's just not worth it, and I think, "I want my life back." Then I sit back and reflect on what made me want to move in this direction in the first place.

I think about my ancestors, the folks who packed up all their worldly goods and crossed the ocean 130-odd years ago to come to the "new world." They came with hope in their hearts and a vision about a life for themselves and their families. A better life.

My great-great-grandparents, Jonathon and Elizabeth Bramley settled with their children in Extension, BC. Coal-miners, the men worked hard at their vocation and found the time to clear the land and farm. Growing most of their own food (as many families did back then) they persevered through the trials and tribulations life sent their way. Ironically, when coal was discovered right on their property, things began to go poorly. The government had given the mineral rights to a man now known in our parts as a "robber baron," in exchange for his building a railroad up the island. It's a long story, but suffice to say, it didn't go too well for the little guys.

Seems it seldom does. So, on the days when I feel like stopping, I lean on perseverance and remain steadfast and focussed.
Because truth be told, it rarely goes well for the little guys and 2011 is certainly no exception. As Desmond Tutu reminds us, "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chose the side of the oppressor."

I think about my children and their futures. I think about how hard it is for them to find livable-wage jobs and afford housing here, on this island their ancestors worked so hard to settle. This is injustice. Not on the scale of the injustice endured by the children in the third world, but injustice just the same. Our province, British Columbia has the highest rate of child poverty in Canada. And the Cowichan valley where I live on Vancouver Island, has the highest rate in the whole province.

And I think about the First People and their children, and how hard it is for them to have a healthy, affordable life here -- where their families have lived for millennia.

Those thoughts lead me back to the desire to live a life of purpose, to stand for justice. That's what animates me. If you're reading this blog, I suspect that's (at least in part) what animates you, too.

So those of us who want to see a change in the world, speak up for justice. We march for equity. We petition for environmental sustainability. We ___________ (you can fill in the blank, the list is endless). And we vote for those we feel are the best people for the job, at all levels of government.

The outcome isn't up to us individually. But it is up to all of us, collectively. All of us need to be working together to make our visions real. Maybe we're going to have to step out of our comfort zone and get more involved to help that vision become real. When the inevitable struggles show up when we speak for change, what's up to us is to stay the course, regardless of the obstacles, both inner and outer, that arise along the way.

As the Perseverance card says, "Once we discern our true direction, we stay the course for however long it takes."

Once I make the decision to stay the course, I realize that I am on a long job interview. And my part is to be as available and as transparent as possible to my prospective employers -- the residents of my community. And to persevere.

The outcome is not solely in my hands. Getting that has made all the difference. I am walking more lightly now, and taking time just to be -- with friends, with family -- to play, rest and be alone with myself.

Whatever the outcome, when we take on a task we believe in -- perseverance helps us to do what it takes to stay the course.

May you have the fortitude to persevere on your path, no matter what obstacles arise.
May we continue to change the world, one heart at a time.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Perseverance

I have a strong sense of purpose.

I have the will to overcome obstacles.

I remain committed to what I want to do.

I am determined to finish what I start.

I am trustworthy in my relationships.

I do what it takes to stay the course.

I am thankful for the gift of Perseverance. It keeps me going.

Reflection Questions

What is my purpose?

What does creativity inspire me to do?

What is the true direction my life is calling me to now?

How can I overcome any obstacles?

Volume 36 - Honesty

2011-08-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

Shakespeare, as he was wont to do, said it best. "Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself."

Those of you reading this blog from places far and wide may not have had coverage of the recent sad and untimely death of Jack Layton, newly elected leader of Canada's official opposition. A true leader, he was loved by many -- even those who didn't agree with his politics. Though millions have been touched deeply by his words, in the cynical ways of politics, some naysayers (you find em in everywhere, non?) are calling the final letter he wrote to Canadians, narcississtic and self aggrandizing. I just don't get that.

Jack asked for and was granted the privilege to serve his country as leader of Her Majesty's Opposition in the Canadian Parliament. He likely felt he owed those who granted him that privilege and responsibility, some parting words. I call this both honest and honorable.

Linda Kavelin Popov, in her great wisdom shares very comprehensively the meaning of the virtues, on her 100 reflection cards. She speaks of the practice of honesty as "being truthful, sincere, open, and genuine." When we are being honest, "we see ourselves and others with unclouded eyes. We do not exaggerate to impress others. We refuse to lie, cheat or take what is not ours. We strive to keep our promises....We stand strong, knowing that we have true value in being who we are."

Jack took on a task, in 2004 as leader of Canada's New Democratic Party. And over four elections in the intervening years he and his team grew their parties seats from 13 to 103. When Jack realized that he was not going to be able to fulfill his mandate, he left a message to those who put their trust in him. I take my hat off to him. He shared honestly and from his heart. And millions were moved. Even people, like myself, that didn't belong to his party.

"Looking past divisive politics and differing views to the person on the other side of the issue may be challenging, but it's not impossible." says Elizabeth Lesser, cofounder of the Omega Institute and author of Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

She goes on to say, "Otherising" is the dangerous act of turning someone into the enemy just because he or she looks different, prays different, speaks different, or thinks different. Some of history's most tragic events—wars, genocides, terrorist acts—began with ordinary people demonizing other ordinary people." Not to mention politicians and political parties. This must end. We must work together to solve the issues we all face together. And one of the ways to help it end is to practice really listening (the 5th strategy of the virtues project“) Lesser suggests, "Agree to these ground rules: Be curious, conversational and real. Don't persuade or interrupt. Listen, listen, listen.”

One of the things that I most admired about Jack was his committment and willingness to work across party lines. To listen to and weigh all opinions. Something we can all model in our homes, our workplaces, our communities.

Jack was not the first one to challenge all of us to engage with and learn from each other, to work together to make Canada a better country. And he won't be the last. You don't have to be a genuis to realize all of humanity must learn to engage with and learn from each other. To listen and to work together.

Often when we meet someone we really like we feel inspired by them. We get excited.

Over time, we realize that the object of our admiration is human, and even has views and opinions with which we don't agree. The bloom goes off the rose as they say.

To create a growing relationship of any kind, between friends, partners, neighbours or co-workers, we must learn to communicate, consult and cooperate. How much more then, do those humans charged with governing, need to learn and ceaselessly practice these arts. Sometimes the process helps the other to modify their opinions. Sometimes we modify ours. Whatever happens, there is value just in the exchange.

It's an illusion that there is an us/them. We are, all of us, spiritual beings having a human experience as Teillard of Chardin so eloquently said. Honesty calls us to "recognize illusions and self-deceptions, to gently let them go." Even to admit mistakes at the risk of disappointing or angering another. All of us need to be seen, heard and respected. The whole process, the clash of differing opinions, when done respectfully and openly, can result in the spark of truth. It moves us forward, to a new place.

Jack Layton inspired people in large part because he listened -- and because he told the truth. Because he cared.

He touched Canadians of all political stripes. I was inspired by him in life, as he campaigned this last April, his optimism and energy never flagging, but sadly, to be perfectly honest, I was even more inspired by him at his death. Like the life of one of my favorite public figures-- Dr. David Suzuki, (an honest voice for the science of climate change) -- Jack's letter to Canadians stirred me deeply. When I see someone who has given their life to trying to make this world better, it makes me want to do my part. I think many, many people feel the same.

My honest prayer? May all of us the world over work together for social justice in our homes, workplaces and communities. May we be honest with ourselves and others. We are one family -- the human family -- and it's way past time that we learned to love each other as well as the Earth and her inhabitants, upon which we all depend.

Jack Layton's final words said it in a way Canadians (and maybe you too) will not soon forget, "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world."

And as he was fond of saying throughout his career, "Don't let anyone ever tell you it can't be done."

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Honesty

I am open and transparent.

I say what I mean and mean what I say.

I only make promises I can keep.

I continually seek to know the truth.

I have the humility to admit mistakes.

I am happy and content to be myself.

I am thankful for the gift of Honesty. It allows me to be fully myself.

Reflection Questions

What promises are mine to keep?

What would help me to truly be happy and content to be me?

Where and with whom could I be more open and transparent.

What illusions and self deceptions does honestly call me to recognize?

Volume 35 - Idealism - Giving mine a voice through Service

2011-07-31T10:05:00.000-07:00

Just as I opened this window to write this month's blog the realization came to me that I started this blog 35 issues ago as a 'service' to folks that had come to workshops and wanted to continue their journey of self learning and changing the world, one heart at a time.

I've become aware that my entries have often gotten longer (okay - unbearably long) and have sometimes started to sound like I'm standing on a soapbox rather than humbly sharing my human journey as I try and walk the good red road of life.

For that I ask your forgiveness. As I've drawn on humility and reflected on that tendency, what's become clearer to me is the root of it is one of my core virtues - idealism. I so resonate with George Bernard Shaw's, "You see things and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were and I say, 'Why not?'"

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that, "Idealism is having a vision of what is possible and wanting to make a difference. It is caring passionately about what is meaningful in life. Idealists see things as they could be and have faith in the power of change."

She goes on to tell us that idealists, "put our principles into action. We don't just accept things the way they are. We dare to have big dreams and then act as if they are possible.

"Idealism doesn't mean that we are idle dreamers. Idle dreamers just wish things were better. Idealists do something to make things better. We make the ideal real."

I've been sharing how I've been affected by what is happening in the world in deep and profound ways. How badly I want things to change in the world. Out of my concern and the realization that the best place to affect change is right in front of me, in my own family, neighbourhood and community -- I've decided to serve by standing for public office in my municipality this fall. This should give me an outlet for the idealism that wants to see the world change and allow me to get back to the purpose of this blog. To share my journey as a spiritual being having a human experience - and how calling on and cultivating the qualities of character help me to have a full and rich experience.

Using the gifts we've got and what we've learned in the service of our ideals is the fullest expression of our lives. "The quality of our own life comes from the quality of our contribution." LKP

It's time for me to get off the soap box, roll up my sleeves and offer what I can. Like you, I've served my community in many ways. My concerns about the state of the world and the amount of time I am spending fretting about them, makes this the next logical step for me. It's clear it's time to, 'put my money where my mouth is' so to speak. I'm both excited and scared. Will I have the stamina? Can I really make a difference? What if I'm unsuccessful, will it all be a waste of time?

For many years, I didn't have the time to make this kind of commitment. It was have been unwise to do so then. My family was too dependent and I was putting my all into raising them to be contributing, caring members of humanity. People who know and value the virtues in themselves and others. People who will make a difference.

It occurs to me that each of us who are 'recognizing our teachable moments' and learning to live lives of purpose through The Virtues Project are serving the world. No matter what else our lives allow us to do for others, just growing our own hearts and characters is a profound service. Sometimes we think we have to do something huge to make a difference. So often it's the small things that make the real difference.

"Everybody can be great ....because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve....You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love." Martin Luther King Jr.

So, this next step is my way of serving my community. The ideas I have about community building and communication are shared by many of my friends and neighbours. Just getting them on the table, in the public discourse is an act of service. My job, like yours, is to walk my talk. The outcome is up to fate.

As you enjoy the last half of summer -- wherever you are -- I invite you to ask what service your idealism calls you to at this time in your life? Remember it doesn't have to be big. It could be as simple as dropping in on an elderly neighbour once a week or volunteering at the local food bank once a month or even making a decision to consciously acknowledge people for their virtues. Saying to our partner, 'Honey, I so appreciate that you take responsibility for taking out the recycling week after week, month after month and I wanted you to know that. I love you." Or to the check out person at the grocery store, "Your cheerfulness really lifts my heart after a hard day. Thank you for being a bright light in the world."

Recycling, reusing, re-gifting, conserving. All these are ways of being of service. If we were to start a list, I'm sure we'd be surprised at all the ways we are serving our ideals.

Please take this month's newsletter as an affirmation of all the ways you already do serve the world, and an invitation to open up to new avenues of service as your interest and energy allow.

Thank you for all the wonderful ways, big and small that you serve humanity and our planet everyday.

Each of us only has to play a small part, nobody can do it all. And by playing our small part, the part our unique spirit calls us to at this time of our lives, we really can change the world, one day, one heart at a time.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Idealism

I have a dream.

I have a plan.

I have faith in the highest possible outcome.

I walk my talk.

I persevere.

I make a difference.

I am thankful for the gift of Idealism. It helps me to realize my dreams.

Reflection Questions

What is my dream?

What is my plan to achieve it?

What is most meaningful to me in my life?

How can I use my gifts to make a difference in the world?

Volume 34 - Trust

2011-06-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

The virtue of Trust has been coming to me lately. At a recent workshop, I modeled a virtues pick. (If you'd like to try one, click on the link to your right under ACTIVITIES) You begin by thinking about an issue in your life, then pick the virtue, read it, and consider how it 'speaks' to you.

Whenever I ask participants to try an exercise, I model it for them. So I talked about an issue in my own life, what was 'up' for me if you will.

I talked about my feelings around my son and his leaving home. His journey of becoming a man.

He's not taking a traditional path, but going out and exploring life on his own terms. He's hit the road, checking out the province. Being Mom -- of course I worry. At the time of the workshop, he'd been gone for two days. I had asked him if he'd call when he got to his first destination, a new age conference/festival near Boston Bar.

He had been noncommittal at the time, but I heard "Yes" -- in spite of the fact that he's been preparing me for a couple of years for the time when he set out on his 'adventure' -- telling me not to worry if I didn't hear from him for awhile. Telling me he needed to break away from home. Wisely letting me know that he recognized our relationship needs to change. That he needs to become the maker of his life.

Even with all that preparation, I was worried I hadn't heard from him. (after all, he said he'd call went my mind mantra)

I told them how hard it is for me to let him go and not keep carrying thoughts of him in my mind and images of him in my heart almost every waking moment. About the feelings of grief I have that our journey together is forever changed. How fast it all seemed to happen! Just the other day, he was a baby climbing the stairs, a toddler climbing the furniture, a pre-schooler climbing a slide, a six-year-old climbing a tree, a 'tween climbing a mountain. How could that all be over?

A tear or two was spilled. Then I realized its not over, just changing. Now he's a young man, climbing out of the comfort of home to a place in the world. And my job is to let him know I have every confidence in his ability to do so.

At the end of sharing, I pulled a virtue from the basket in the middle of the table. "Trust." It always astounds me, in spite of 100 to 1 odds, I get just the card I need at that moment.

"Trust is having faith, hope and a positive outlook. Trust is believing in someone or something. We have confidence that the right thing will come about without trying to control it or make it happen. We trust others to do what they say they will do, and give them the space to be trustworthy. Sometimes it is difficult to trust when life brings painful experiences. Trust is being sure, in the depths of our being, that there is some gift or learning in everything that happens. We move confidently with the flow of life, gathering strength from adversity. We know we are never alone." --Linda Kavelin Popov

Holding on to trust got me through the next week. It was fully 10 days until I heard from him. When I asked him why he hadn't called, his immediate answer, in a confused tone of voice was, "I did call." And so he did. And will again.
In his way and on his way to independence.

Funny how life works -- as I wrote that, he called again. From Nelson, where he's checking out the Kootenay School of the Arts -- in his way, on his terms. It was wonderful to hear his voice, but even more wonderful to hear his confidence. His independence. I was able to stand aside and listen deeply to his plans and to his dreams. I resisted giving him advice, trusting that he is doing his life, in his way. It felt good.

Ironic that this happened on the eve of Canada Day. As we Canadians celebrate our independence this July 1st, I'm comforted to know that the same spirit that founded this beautiful country lives in so many of our young people. Pioneering a new world, they have much to bring to the table. In their way, in their time. Knowing that, I'm somehow comforted.

So I hold my son in trust. Like his forebears, he is walking his own path. I trust it will lead to good things.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Trust

I maintain my hope.

I do not nag others or try to control them.

I believe there is some good in everything that happens.

I allow trust to heal my fears.

I am confident in my capacity for lifelong learning.

I rely on Divine assistance.

I am thankful for the gift of trust. It renews my strength.

Reflection questions:

What situation in my life calls me to trust?

How can I trust that my loved ones have everything they need to lead their own lives?

What fears could trust heal?

How can I move confidently with the flow of life?

Volume 33 - Unity

2011-06-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

   When Hal David penned the words to Burt Bacharach's melody "What the World Needs Now Is Love." almost 50 years ago, it seemed to many that things were looking up. It was the year after Nixon resigned and the US troops came home from Vietnam. Lester B. Pearson, then Prime Minister of Canada with a minority Liberal government, introduced universal health care, student loans, the Canada pension Plan, the Order of Canada and the current Maple Leaf flag.
   The counter-culture "hippie" movement was taking hold, with its visions of love, peace, communal living and artistic expression. The Cold War was still casting its chilly effect on our sense of security, and it was the height of the civil rights movement. Though zero population growth was being touted as an ideal in some circles, global warming was not yet part of the public discourse.
   The post-war materialistic boom was still underway, and from our human-centric view, it looked like we were heading into a future of prosperity like none other.

The way we define "prosperity" has become a major problem as we stand here, in 2011 -- at a crossroads -- with world wide population exploding, natural systems imploding, unemployment and under-employment rampant, hunger growing, and no clear answers in sight.

I mentioned Einstein's definition of insanity last blog: continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result. Or to put it pointedly -- when thinking of "business as usual" on planet Earth, an appropriate question might be, "How's that working for ya?"

   I wrote last month with the Japanese nuclear crisis still unfolding. Since that time, the United States has been hit with devastating tornadoes, and both the US and Canada with extreme flooding. Crops may not get in the ground in time. Reaching peak oil has increased the cost of everything, from groceries to transportation to home heating and all other goods. Far too many people are living lives of poverty and deprivation. And we continue to destroy the environment on which we depend at an alarming rate, largely to meet our rapidly growing demands for food, fresh water, timber, fiber and fuel.
   We see the challenges before us -- and like little children, we argue back and forth (right and left) about what the issues really are and what needs to be done to solve them.
   Seems to me that that what the world needs now is love -- and unity.
Linda Kavelin Popov speaks of unity as a "powerful virtue" that "brings great strength. Unity," she goes on to say, "is inclusiveness. It brings people together. We set our commonality without devaluing our differences. We experience our connectedness with all people and all life. Unity frees us from the divisiveness of prejudice and heals our fears."
   When we are practicing unity, "We refuse to engage in conflict, seeking peace in all circumstances. Unity comes when we value every person, in our family or in our world."
   How does this rag-tag group of hurt people known as humanity get together and practice unity?
   I think it begins by shifting our point of view. With unity as the primal point, we acknowledge that "the joy of one is the joy of all" and conversely, that "the hurt of one is the hurt of all, the honor of one is the honor of all." (Linda Kavelin Popov)
   How can we look at our neighbors, both near and far, with love in our hearts and unity in our minds and actions?
   There is an Ojibway prayer that reads, "We know that we are the ones who are divided, and we are the ones who must come back together to walk in the Sacred Way." (Oneworld Book of Prayer, p. 152)

I can get so triggered by people's opinions that I judge as wrong I could cuss and spit. Especially in areas I feel passionate about, areas that I feel are critical to take action on. I can argue my point vociferously.

   Recently I was at a meeting in the municipality I live in, where the Mayor and Council were reviewing input from the public to improve the draft Official Community Plan. One of the members started a debate about using the word 'certain' in relation to sea level rising. He went into his opinion (in spite of the overwhelming scientific opinion) that sea level rise was not certain. I was practically apoplectic when neither the mayor nor members of the council took him on. I googled a webpage on the BC Government's Environmental site which explained the certainty of climate change. I waved my hand to try and get the mayor to acknowledge me, so that I could point it out -- all to no avail. And then I learned something. The mayor and other members of council were willing to remove this word (even those whom I know certainly don't dispute the 'certain' rise of sea level) The new wording didn't change the intent of the paragraph, but helped to build unity amongst the members of council.
   It was a teachable moment for me. Sometimes it's important to stand firm and other times, when it won't make a difference to the outcome, its important to allow others point of view to be recognized.
   In the past (and even that day) I would see such a person as being an obstructionist (not realizing they likely saw me the same way) I've noted over time how off putting that attitude usually is. How it only seemed to entrench the other person in their position. (and me in mine) How it resulted in discomfort and disunity. And how it can often hurt the other, instead of help them and hurt the situation instead of helping it.

These days, I'm trying my best to "get curious, not furious" with others when their viewpoints differ radically from mine. Sometimes, I hold a point of view that seems accurate -- but the real truth is, I only have a limited view of the issues.

Last night I was at another meeting. It was called by a well intentioned local activist in the small seaside town I call home. We're a geographically small part of a very large, fiscally prudent municipality and some folks (this gentleman included) have been feeling we're being ignored. Unfortunately, his style of communication is not about seeking unity, but seeing and feeding discord. He said some things that were not only inaccurate but inflammatory. People began to react to the misinformation and get angry. Then several people stood up and asked for unity. They didn't actually use the word itself but they were describing the disunity he was promulgating as 'negative', as an 'us and them' attitude. He continued to be defensive and to assert his views, and a few of the younger folks took it to heart. There is still work to do. But I was very proud of the folks that wanted to bring us back to a more positive ground. Back to unity.

From a limited vantage point, it's easy to pass judgment and take a stand. It's more difficult to take the other's point of view and stand in their shoes. But decidedly richer. From the clash of differing opinions can come a brilliant solution.
At the end of the day, no matter where on this earth we live, we're all neighbors. Neighbors learning how to live with each other and with the biosphere that supports us.

And we all want pretty much the same general thing. To live in a place where healthy, happy people of all ages live together peaceably and productively, in communities that cooperate -- with each other and with the land we live on. A place where people who are struggling (for whatever reason) are given the tools and support they need to be happy and healthy. (We may differ on the means to this end, but I don't think too many people want to see others suffer.)

I've come to believe that change is best accomplished in our homes and neighborhoods, towns and communities, right here on the ground where we live. That each of us can be agents of change. And that unity is the pathway we must walk to get there.

How can we learn to to listen to each other? To share our differing opinions with respect, and to listen to the other's thoughts and feelings with respect? Building relationships, striving for unity, is the only way we will ever be able to solve the external problems we face.

It's become clear to me that we all need to be leaders for change, in whatever way feels right to us. To be mindful of our own issues and the areas we need to grow in -- and then do the work to grow.

The examples I've given from my own life are really about democracy. Democracy can and should be a collaboration. It should feel more like building a house or planting a garden, and less like a tug of war. No one has all the answers, but if we agree to combine our energy, talents and resources -- we just might find the solutions we need.

This is the commitment I am making this month. To myself, to my intimates and neighbours. To be a voice for unity -- for finding common ground. To share my views with others and listen to theirs. To vote every day for peace and justice by practicing the principle of unity in all my affairs.

I invite you to join me. What the world needs now is love -- and unity. May it come soon.

Namaste,

~ Kate

The Practice of Unity

I am a lover of humanity.

I seek common ground.

I appreciate differences.

I resolve conflict peacefully.

I honor the value of each individual.

I am a unifier.

I am thankful for the gift of Unity. It makes me an instrument of peace.

Reflection Questions

What situations in my life are calling for unity?

How can I value each individual while resolving conflict peacefully?

How can I be true to myself and still practice unity?

What action does the principle of unity call me to today?

Volume 32 - Wisdom

2011-05-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this newsletter on the eve of a federal election here in Canada, and the backdrop on the news at every turn is the violent turmoil in the Middle East. Behind that are the headlines about permanent climate change, the latest of which are about 300+ deaths in the southeastern US from an unprecedented barrage of tornadoes.

As my beloved country faces what will be a "defining moment" for generations to come, an historic change point if you will, it occurs to me that what citizens here -- and around the world -- most need is wisdom.

Indeed, I think wisdom is what all of humanity needs, no matter where we live. We are facing a rapid decline in environmental integrity everywhere. Much of it is caused by the lifestyles of people living, like me, in the "first world."

We must collectively draw on wisdom -- in our personal lives, day to day, generally; and particularly when we exercise our right to vote. We must elect governments at all levels that can lead us into this uncertain future, helping us make the transition to a sustainable way of co-habiting with all the life forms we share this planet with.

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines wisdom as: "accumulated philosophic or scientific learning; knowledge; good sense; judgment; a wise attitude, belief or course of action; capacity for effective application of the powers of the mind as a basis for action or response, intelligence." Another apt synonym would be "common sense."

No matter what our ideology or political leanings, I think the majority of humans agree that we are standing at a pivotal point -- the world over -- an especially important juncture in the journey of humanity. Wisdom must prevail for humans to prevail.

Linda Kavelin Popov tells, "Wisdom is the guardian of our choices. It helps us to discern the right path at the right moment."

I wrote last month's blog as the world watched the drama unfolding in Japan. Ironically, we then commemorated the 25th anniversary of Chernobyl. This week, I've been watching the tornado devastation in the southern United States at the same time as the flooding of much of Canada's prairie breadbasket. While those in power continue to debate and bargain on acceptable levels of CO2 emissions, and invoke the need to create jobs and keep taxes down and stimulate economic recovery, climate change and its devastation marches on.

Every thinking person on this planet today must now see that the quality of our future -- and our ultimate survival --depends on us collectively choosing what is the right path, the wisdom path, at this moment in history.

To continue on the same course would be insane, and would bring us the same results as previous cultures that failed to heed the warning signs. Yet we do continue on, election after election, swinging from center to left to right and back again. We continue, week after week, buying and selling, burning fossil fuels and hoping in a peculiar form of aware denial that something "out there" will magically fix it. How wise is that?

Albert Einstein defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Clearly, wisdom must prevail for us to keep the privilege to be here. How do we discern it at any given time and in any given situation?

Kavelin Popov goes on to tell us that wisdom calls us to "use our best judgment, resisting the pull of impulse and desire. Wisdom gives us the maturity and patience to make sustainable decisions."

Sustainable decisions?

Back to Merriam-Webster: sustainable - "capable of being sustained; relating to, or being a method of harvesting or using a resource so that the resource is not depleted or permanently damaged."

Using wisdom -- or common sense -- one doesn't need a PhD in economics (or anything else for that matter) to realize that what we call the "Western" way of living is not sustainable. It never has been.

The practice of buy now, pay later, in all its various permutations, has a very deep cost.

An economic system that rewards the rich at the expense of the poor while plundering the planet is not sustainable -- and is not wise. We can continue, insanely, going about business as usual. Or we can start to try to create something that is sustainable.

The so-called "age of prosperity" has not been for the many, but only for the few -- at the expense of the many -- and always at the expense of the natural environment. How can that possibly be sustainable? Where is the wisdom in that?

What is the answer? Values must shift. Wisdom must prevail.

In The Real Wealth of Nations, Rianne Eisler proposes a new economics, a "caring economics," which takes into account and includes the contributions of people and our natural environment. Her book traces the roots of the great problems of our time. She finds that poverty, inequality, war, terrorism and environmental degradation all result from our past and current flawed economic systems, which fail to value and support the most essential human work: that of caring -- for people and the planet.

Eisler, a social scientist, puts forward an audacious reformulation, showing how an economics that takes "caring"into account offers huge benefits, both socially and economically. She goes beyond stating an opinion, constructively providing a "blueprint for putting this more humane and effective economic system to work."

Wisdom calls us to take care of first things first. If we don't take care of our health, our body will break down and make it much harder (or impossible) to "take care of business." If we don't take care of our planet, it too will break down -- as we are finally realizing -- and make it much harder to "take care of business." Or impossible.

When chaos seems to be reigning, how to we find the wisdom path?

Linda Popov reminds us that part of wisdom is seeking knowledge, entering into reflection and opening ourselves to inspiration. "We consider carefully, then act confidently. Wisdom takes us beyond thought to a deeper knowing. Wisdom grounds us in grace."

In October 2008, in the lead-up to the last federal election in my country, I felt optimistic. The results of that election in Canada squelched my optimism. My beloved country seems to be going in the wrong direction.

We've lost our seat on the UN security council, we were given the "Colossal Fossil" award for our obstruction of climate regulations at the Copenhagen Accord meetings, our Prime Minister has been found in contempt of Parliament (the first time in our history), and we are now holding our fourth nationwide election in 7 years. Clearly, our system is splitting at the seams. And I suspect that wherever you live in the world, you may be feeling the same about your country right now.

Nonetheless, my optimism has returned this election season and is again growing. Polls report an unexpected surge of the New Democratic Party in Canada, a party that pundits predicted would never form government or even take the role of official opposition, seems poised to do one or the other. Although I'm not a supporter of partisan politics, I do think we need a system of government that's willing and able to address --- and maybe be even start solving -- the problems we face as a species.

I don't think we have such a government yet functioning on the planet (not that I'm aware of, anyway). But it's imperative that we get one, in every country. And I do believe that right now, as bad as things are, we are more capable than ever of creating such governments.

I'm reminded of the great anthropologist Margaret Mead's assurance, "Never underestimate the power of a small group of people to change the world. In fact, it's the only way it has ever happened."

Can we afford to go on with more of the same? Not just here in Canada, but anywhere on this big beautiful planet?

The partisanship way of governing, where might is right, and the "They're wrong, we're right" kind of thinking have got us into a big mess. Our human-centric focus has destroyed the planet's delicate balance of ecosystems and caused the extinction of numerous species. Wherever you live, there is room for improvement. Many people's very lives are threatened by climate change. Coastal cities and impoverished countries will take the biggest brunt, but we will all be affected.

As a voter, I've always naturally leaned left. I like the idea of looking out for each other. A culture of caring sounds good to me.

I hope Canada votes Jack Layton into government. Not because I think he is some kind of saviour, but because I think he just might possess a particular combination of humility, intelligence, integrity, inclusiveness, wisdom, and real leadership that this country needs right now.

I believe that he will work to build bridges instead of walls. Unity instead of more division. Holding the vision that we are all neighbours who have to learn how to live together on this planet as one race, as part of one big ecosystem. He appears to recognize that might does not make right and that power, control and domination cannot bring peace and unity.

After all, when we get down to it, there is not a liberal and a conservative Canada, but one Canada, made up of 34 million individuals. Our job as citizens is to learn to embrace and work with our diversity and somehow, out of it all, create a national unity. Not unity of thought or religion or politics, but a unity of spirit that respects differences while upholding the rights of all living things to life and liberty.

We can do this together, but we need leaders and policy makers who are willing to hold up and work for this ideal. Leaders who are willing to listen to each other with respect (no matter if they are left, right or center), who can listen as well as talk -- not only to each other, but to their constituents and to the feedback from the natural world, and to experts and even visionaries about the changes that just might give us a chance.

This also translates to the global political system. We need leaders worldwide, at local and national levels, who are willing to sit down at the table and tackle the issues facing the planet. Cooperatively, with open minds and hearts and a willingness to make hard choices.

There are times when we have to work with what we know, stay the steady course, when that is wisdom. Then there are times which are unprecedented, which call for bold new direction and leadership. It's clearly time to turn this ship around and chart a new course.

"The first task of a leader is to keep hope alive." --Joe Batten

Whatever happens in Canada on May 2, Jack Layton and his campaign have mobilized people and ignited hope across party lines. I like Ralph Nader's take on the function of leadership: "to produce more leaders, not more followers."

I encourage you to be a leader, wherever you find yourself. Draw on wisdom to help you.

We can all be leaders on climate change and social justice. We can all call on wisdom and discernment in our daily lives and make choices for the planet, her people and other living things, choices that are sustainable. They are not easy choices, but the alternative is not easy either. Status quo is only going to bring more of the same results. Remember Einstein's definition of insanity.

As you face decisions large and small in your own life, wherever you find yourself on this big beautiful planet, may you draw on wisdom to take you to a deeper knowing.

If you are a neighbour of mine in Canada, please consider this election as an opportunity to take Canada to a new place. And whoever you are going to vote for, please do get out and vote. Vote with your ballot tomorrow, and just as important, vote with your life everyday henceforth-- by being a leader, a leader for change.

We are the ones we are waiting for. May we finally arrive.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Wisdom

I make discerning choices.

I resist distracting impulses.

I listen to my better judgment.

I reflect before I act.

I seek spiritual guidance.

I trust my deepest truth.

I am thankful for the gift of Wisdom. It is the messenger of my soul.

Reflection questions:

What action does wisdom call me to?

How do I listen to my better judgment?

What virtues can I draw on to see the future with a vision of what is possible?

What solutions would I like to focus on at this time?

Volume 31 - Integrity

2011-04-01T13:11:00.000-07:00

What a month we've had! Perhaps like me, you spent more time than usual glued to the news. The events unfolding in Japan this past month are sobering at best, terrifying at worst. My heart goes out to the people of Japan as they struggle to cope with the disaster that has befallen them. My respect and awe go to the workers at the Fukushima power plant, the government and the rescue workers from Japan and other countries, as they work against all odds to recover from a "triple whammy," any one part of which would be crippling.

As I follow the unfolding drama, I read about and witness the incredible integrity of the Japanese people. Through it all they "keep faith with (their) ideals and live by (their) deepest values."

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that "Integrity is standing up for what we believe is right. We keep faith with our ideals and live by our deepest values. We keep our agreements reliably. Our actions match our words. We strive to balance impeccable integrity and unfailing tenderness for others and ourselves. We cherish the challenge of doing the right thing in all circumstances. We give excellence to whatever we undertake. We live by our personal covenant."

Though Japan has seen food shortages, no power and much uncertainty, looting has been all but absent as the country faces this crisis. This is in stark contrast to the situations in Haiti and New Orleans after their respective disasters.

What makes a people, or a person, act with integrity? What does integrity look like?

Depends on the situation.

For instance, integrity is one of the virtues I most wish to stand on. Part of the journey I'm having with integrity is to be totally honest about what's really true for me and really looking after myself. At times, this causes others in my life to be disappointed. Looking after me doesn't always allow me to serve them in the familiar ways.

Yet I've come to realize the only way I can show up in integrity in my wider life is to make sure I am trustworthy enough to show up for and take care of the only person I can be sure to spend the rest of my life with. Me.

I learned this the hard way, as I've alluded in previous posts.

At those times when I must forego others (or wider service) to look after myself, I'm comforted by the sentiments of Alan Cohen -- "Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused."

Confucius advised that "To put the world right...we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."

That too, is living with integrity.

"When used as a virtue term, ‘integrity’ refers to a quality of a person's character; however, there are other uses of the term. One may speak of the integrity of a wilderness region or an ecosystem, a computerized database, a defense system, a work of art, and so on. When it is applied to objects, integrity refers to the wholeness, intactness or purity of a thing—meanings that are sometimes carried over when it is applied to people.
"A wilderness region has integrity when it has not been corrupted by development or by the side-effects of development, when it remains intact as wilderness. A database maintains its integrity as long as it remains uncorrupted by error; a defense system as long as it is not breached. A musical work might be said to have integrity when its musical structure has a certain completeness that is not intruded upon by uncoordinated, unrelated musical ideas; that is, when it possesses a kind of musical wholeness, intactness and purity." Stanford Encylopedia of Philosophy

Something about the Japanese culture obviously supports this kind of wholeness, intactness, purity.

Another thing I've been spending a lot of my time on this month is doing what I can to help save a small Coastal Douglas Fir ecosystem in my little town. I'm not alone. Over 1,400 people have signed a petition to try and save Echo Heights, a 52-acre fir forest with two meadows of rare Garry Oaks, from being mowed down and paved for "progress." Many of us had hoped that the local government, which supports preserving Coastal Douglas Fir zones in its Official Community Plan, had seen the light and would honor the integrity of this piece of land.

Unfortunately, although they have modified their plan, they will soon give first reading to a by-law that - - if passed -- would result in high-density dwellings being built on 40 % of this precious ecosystem. The other 60% would not have a hope of recovering, and many species of plants and animals would lose their home.

Lately in British Columbia, the once-endangered Bald Eagle (unique to North America) has been literally falling from the skies -- dying due to starvation, because of low salmon spawning returns. The integrity of their ecosystem is breaking down; who knows what the outcome will be?

Like the Bald Eagle, old-growth Coastal Douglas Fir forests once dominated Eastern Vancouver Island, the place I am blessed to call home. It is beautiful and abundant with life -- but unfortunately, to date almost 99 % of this forest land has been logged, much of it lost forever to urban space and farming.

The coastal fir forest, beautiful and rare, is also critically important to the whole region for water capture and storage (and subsequent release of water during droughts), for climate regulation, carbon storage and clean air. It supports 127 plant species and 81 animal species, all of which are at risk if this ecosystem disappears. It is also unique to this area of the planet; once it is gone, it will live no more, forever.

For at least six years now, a small group of people have been valiantly trying to save Echo Heights, our local piece of this land. And all the world over, folks are lobbying and marching and writing letters and blogs -- standing up for the integrity of their lands, for justice, for people and place, for peace, for democracy, for common sense.

For most if not all of them, its a matter of integrity. They have no choice but to stand up for what they believe is right. They are passionate and generous. They've given hundreds of hours of their time.
There are so many worthy and important causes in the world, so many opportunities to practice integrity by standing up for what we believe in, for living by our personal covenant.

Someone who epitomizes integrity -- standing up for what he believes in, and living by his own personal covenant -- is David Suzuki, a Japanese-Canadian academic, scientist, broadcaster, activist and environmentalist who turned 75 in March. He co-founded the David Suzuki Foundation in 1990 "to find ways for society to live in balance with the natural world that sustains us." He has been speaking out for his whole career on issues that affect us all -- oceans and sustainable fishing, climate change and clean energy, and sustainability.

I try to honor the work Suzuki has been doing by thinking globally and acting locally, by speaking up for and encouraging stewardship of the Mother Planet we all depend on. And by helping others to do the same, through my work with The Virtues Project. This has become my heart's deepest promise.

As we move into spring, may buds of positive change continue to burst from the roots of our integrity. May they support blossoms of peace, justice and sustainability the world over.

May humanity realize, We are the ones we've been waiting for -- and roll up our sleeves and get to work -- creating a legacy worthy to leave to future generations. May Gaia support our efforts as we work to support her.

Namaste

~ Kate

PS: If saving Coastal Douglas Fir ecosystems calls to you, or if you'd just like to learn more about this specific little forest near my home, click the links above in this blog. You can also join Echo Heights Forest on Facebook -- to show your support. And if you'd be willing to lend your voice to call for its protection, please write a letter of support to: council@northcowichan.ca

The Practice of Integrity

I live by my ideals.

I am faithful to the virtues of my character.

I am trustworthy.

I temper righteousness with forgiveness.

I strive to do the right thing.

I abide by my heart's deepest promise.

I am thankful for the gift of Integrity. It supports me to walk my talk.

Reflection questions

What is my heart's promise to which I must abide?

How can I better live by my ideals?

What are my deepest values?

What is my personal covenant?

Volume 30 - Justice

2011-03-01T09:45:00.000-08:00

The Holocaust Museum in Washington DC displays these words, "Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander."

The virtue on my mind this week is one I wrote about two years ago. I smile as I think about synchronicity. Then as now, I was thinking about Justice and Justice seemed also to be thinking about me. Then, (January 2009) I reached into my bag of 100 virtues and blindly picking got Justice. (1 out of a 100 odds) Seemed like a confirmation of my choice. This time, I looked into the basket on my living room coffee table that also holds 100 cards -- and there at the top of the pile was Justice.

Why has Justice been on my mind? Well, the world political scene certainly contributes. The sweeping changes across the Middle East, as people there stand up for justice. The natural disasters in part caused by humans (climate change) and our incessant need for 'growth'. But mostly I think it relates to something closer.

About five weeks ago, a young life was violently snuffed out in the beautiful little valley I call home.

Tyeshia (18) was a young woman with everything to look forward to. Early one morning she set out from a party to meet a friend and never arrived. Somewhere along the way, she was murdered and her body dumped in the woods.

The reaction of the community was deep and powerful. A walk -- 'Take Back the Night' was organized, to honor Tyeshia and another woman who was also murdered early this year.

Over 2,000 people showed up in the town square on a Friday evening to take part in a candle light walk.
Much of the coverage around the walk was about how we must act as a community to make our streets safe.

I was struck at the time with the thought that for our streets to be safe, our homes must be safe.

Did you know that currently, every 15 seconds in North America, someone is assaulted by their intimate other? (Yale University Health) Nearly all of these assaults take place, not on dark streets, but in the victim's own home.

Whoever took this young life is a product of the culture we have created and are trying to live in.

When I left the city to come back to my family roots on Vancouver Island 35 years ago, it was in part to raise my family in a smaller, safer more sustainable community. Wendell Berry describes a sustainable community as one where members are in 'harmony with his or her surroundings.' Where people are able to define what is singular about where they live. I thought I could say that this was a place where family was valued and values supported families. Where children grew up closer to nature, community and their families. Life was slower here and the community pulled together. Either I was naive or the world has found us.

This weekend, the lead story in our local paper is captioned, "Child abuse rate triple the provincial average." A shocking trend and very disturbing, but not surprising if one considers the every 15 seconds statistic.

An individual who would assault the person they have chosen as partner in the world is not capable of creating a healthy home. One might even go so far as to say, an individual who assaults their 'intimate' other has some kind of mental illness.

What about individuals who assault, physically -- or with words, complete strangers. Recently I learned of a youth in my area -- who expresses himself in a unique, loving, gentle and original way -- being
attacked and berated by an adult (who does not know him) as a 'freak of nature', for what the adult saw as the youth behaving in a way that he judged wrong. This 'adult' spewed anger and vitriol on another human being for over 10 minutes. Never once did he ask the youth for his story, for what he was thinking/feeling/doing. Can this be a mentally healthy way to treat another human being?

What causes mental illness, I've often wondered, and what can be done to heal it?

I've been reading 'The Truth About Mental Illness', by Dr. Charles L. Whitfield. Dr. Whitfield is a physician and psychotherapist in private practice in Atlanta, GA. A nationally known speaker and author of six books, Dr. Whitfield states, "In my thirty-eight years as a physician, and the last twenty-six years of that time as a psychotherapist, I have seen and assisted countless patients with a wide variety of mental and physical illnesses. Whether their problem was depression, an anxiety disorder, an addiction or some other illness, in most of them I have not seen convincing evidence that the cause of their disorders was solely a genetic or another biological defect. (There is also no published proof for the biogenetic theory of mental illness.) In fact, I regularly saw evidence for another equally, if not more important factor: A history of repeated childhood trauma. Among all of these people, I have rarely seen one who had a major psychological or psychiatric illness who grew up in a healthy family."

Whitfield goes on to say that "over the past century numerous observers have looked at trauma, and how it effects us. But since 1980 there has been an outpouring of more than 300 clinical scientific studies that have shown a strong link between repeated childhood trauma and the development of a subsequent mental illness -- often decades later. In most of these investigations the authors have controlled for other potential associations with mental symptoms and disorders and they have found them to play a less important role than did the trauma itself. "

Children who witness the abuse of one or both parents, or who themselves are abused have higher levels of adult depression and trauma symptoms and increased tolerance for and use of violence in adult relationships.

How can we deal with this terrible situation? How can we find justice?

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that "Justice is being fair in all that we do. We continually look for the truth, not bowing to others' judgments or perceptions. We do not backbite. We clear up problems face to face. We make agreements that benefit everyone equally. When we commit a wrong, we are honest in correcting it and making amends. If someone is hurting us, it is just to stop them. It is never just for strong people to hurt weaker people. With justice, we protect everyone's rights. Sometimes when we stand for justice, we stand alone."

The children of the world are under siege -- often in their very own homes. How can we find justice for them? Educational systems, that may have helped (German psychotherapist Alice Miller suggests that one empathetic witness can sometimes help a child on the journey to overcome childhood neglect) are under siege from overloaded and underfunded curricula and lack of real support for educators.

Social programs that have the potential to help are stressed to the breaking point.

The very ground we stand on (planet earth) is also under siege. How can we find justice for the planet and her living systems?

I'm reminded again of Bill Cosby's wisdom, "Hurt people, hurt people." And animals and the biosphere.

How can we stop the hurting? We need a new paradigm. It is never just for strong people to hurt weaker people. Everyone's rights must be protected.

To truly honor this earth and her inhabitants, to truly honor Tyeshia and the other young people who are victims of abuse by 'hurt people', we must take back the night and the day by lighting more than our streets. We must light our homes and communities with mutual respect, love and safety -- only then can we have a true community, a community in which each child and adult is safe and able to live a full, free life. The kind of community that the First People of this region developed and Western culture has all but destroyed.

We have a lot of work to do. We must begin it.

Tyeshia -- and every child -- deserves nothing less.

Namaste,

~ Kate

The Practice of Justice

I think for myself.

I do not engage in prejudice or backbiting.

I make fair agreements.

I make restitution for my mistakes.

I honor people's rights including my own.

I have the courage to stand up for the truth.

I am thankful for the gift of Justice.
It is the guardian of my integrity.

Reflection Questions

What action is justice calling me to?

How can I stand up for the truth?

What can I do to stop abuse?

What problems do I need to clear up?

Volume 29 ~ Honor (A Valentine's Gift that Lasts a Lifetime

2011-02-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

The table’s set for two, the candles are lit, and the Valentine’s card is opened … now what? Couples will take time out to affirm their love next month, and that’s wonderful. But what do they say after they say “I love you”?

Back in day-to-day life, where promises and hopes meet the pressures of reality, how can people strengthen their love? How can they take it to the next level?

Taking it to the next level isn’t sexual, or even romantic per se -- it’s deepening the emotional intimacy.

Then, when couples feel closer and more connected, sexuality and romance can blossom.

Deepening intimacy is less about what we say than about how we listen. The Maoris of New Zealand greet each other by saying, ‘I see you.’ That, in a nutshell, is the art of listening.

When partners feel seen, when they’re heard and understood, their bonds strengthen. Listening -- a simple concept, not always easy.

Really listening is an art -- the art of inviting another person to open their soul, and then holding them with care as they do it.

This art has been named “Spiritual Companioning” by one of its masters.

I will be sharing it with couples (and individuals) later this month in both a one-day workshop for couples and a four-week tele-seminar. Companioning -- or "deep listening," as I often call it -- is a way of focusing on the other person, with both compassion and detachment. It helps them get to the heart of what they’re feeling and find their own inner truth.

Ironically, deep listening can be most challenging with those we hold dearest. But it’s worth the effort. It’s the royal road to true intimacy. It’s easy to start using, and it shifts and deepens your connection at once. Over the long haul, it’s deep intimacy that holds a relationship together.

Listening is one of the most powerful ways that we can honor one another.

What role does honor play in relation to those who are not in touch with their own honor, at best, or who actively dishonor others at worst? How can we honor ourselves when another seeks to hurt us or put us down?

I planned to write about honor specifically in intimate relationships, and how crucial it is that we really see and hear one another's truth in order to build healthy, nurturing relationships. After all, a healthy relationship can only be based on honoring each person's truth -- and the only person who knows the full truth about us, is us. (Though others who know and love us can give us helpful feedback.)

Last night, a phone call reminded me that it takes two people to have an honorable exchange. During the call, I was unexpectedly lambasted in a way that was anything but honoring of me as a human being, by someone who was obviously in a lot of pain and denial. This person had a lot of misguided judgments and opinions about me -- and, unfortunately, very little knowledge of me as a person and even less curiosity. When I attempted to set boundaries around the assault, calling for reason and courtesy, I was yelled at, shamed and mocked. After about 15 minutes of this treatment, realizing that I was being abused, I ended the conversation firmly.

I slept very little. This individual is not someone I have chosen to participate in my life, but rubs shoulders with me because of her relationship to members of my family. She has many good qualities and, I believe, good intentions; but her inability to listen -- her readiness to judge, using strongly held opinions and projections that she freely (and sometimes forcefully) shares -- has brought at least three members of my family to tears. It's hard for me to like her. Yet somehow, I must maintain a cordial relationship with her while respecting myself and protecting my family members whenever possible. Somehow, I must keep my dignity and not attack hers.

Listening to another who has good intentions towards us brings us closer together. It's even possible when they're expressing anger towards us, as long as they are owning their feelings and expressing them with respect.

Listening to someone who is hurling angry vitriol does not bring us closer together. These kinds of relationships are not honorable. Sadly, many, many relationships are not honorable (every 15 seconds in the United States, someone is assaulted by an intimate other) and have no hope of becoming so unless and until there is goodwill present and each party honors the other -- not just some of the time, but all of the time.

Where abuse is present, honor cannot be. When abuse is the order of the day, chaos, pain and destruction are the only possible outcomes.

When relationships are based on goodwill and honor, however, anything is possible. As Oprah Winfrey aptly said, "If you seek what is honorable, what is good, what is the truth of your life, all the other things you could not imagine come as a matter of course."

Will it get messy? Yes. Will we make mistakes? Yes. It seems that our relationships bring forward all that is unhealed from our pasts. It can be a lot of hard work to hold and heal those old wounds. However, when we treat one another with dignity and respect, when we "listen another into a state of disclosure and discovery," as Douglas Steere said, it "may be the greatest service one human being ever performs for another." Not only does it help to heal and transform old wounds, it makes our lives worthwhile. Not only does it heal the individuals involved, it heals the world, one heart at a time.

This brings me to what seems to have become an obsession with me -- how do we humans learn to honor, not only everyone but everything in the web of life? As the early wilderness advocate John Muir noted, "When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."

It occurred to me this sleepless morning -- sitting in my study in the wee hours, watching events unfold in the Middle East -- that a different kind of listening is being called for there. A million people standing up for change, standing up against an abuse of power that has kept them stifled, frustrated and controlled, must be heard.

Not only must we listen in our private lives, one to one, we also need to listen to each other nation to nation, people to people. Humanity, collectively, has a lot of soul-searching to do. We must begin to truly honor each other and ourselves. We must stand up to abuse and seek protection from those who would do us harm.

Linda Kavelin Popov teaches that "honor is deep respect for what we know is right and true ... living up to the virtues of our character ... appreciation in action ... treating others with the dignity they deserve. When we are being honorable, we act with integrity, not to be admired, but because it is the right thing to do."

Coming full circle, I find "companioning" to be one of the most effective ways I can honor myself, the other and the relationship.

I'll leave you with the words of my co-presenter, Dr. Mark Hein. “As a therapist,” he says, “I’ve learned many techniques. But this is the simplest, most powerful way I’ve ever seen for one person to help another share deeply. And anyone can learn it.”

I'd love to have you join us as we explore together how to "walk along" with one another.

~Namaste

~ Kate

"Listening to the Intimate Other" takes place on Saturday, Feb. 26, in Duncan, BC. If you're too far away to come, consider the tele-seminar starting February 3, where you can learn deep listening from the comfort of your own home. Interested? Write me at katemarsh@shaw.ca

The Practice of Honor

I live by my principles.

I cultivate the virtues and talents I have been given.

I treat others and myself with dignity and respect.

I am trustworthy in keeping my agreements.

I strive for impeccable integrity.

I do what I believe is right no matter what.

I am thankful for the gift of Honor. It makes my life worthwhile.

Reflection Questions

What is honor calling me to?

How can I respect others while honoring myself?

Who would I like to appreciate and for what?

What are my highest principles?

Volume 28 - Humility

2011-01-02T21:54:00.000-08:00

It was invaluable to meditate on mindfulness and balance this past month. Seeking the boundaries I need in my life has helped me begin to carve out more time for myself. As the year came to a close, I felt more balanced than I have in quite some time.

What helped? Taking the necessary time just to be. Time for reading, hikes (in the clear, crisp air) -- even some gardening. Things that feed me at a very deep level. I actually slept for 10 hours a couple of nights in a row!

Last month, the feedback my pained body was giving me was loud and clear: "What you're doing, the way you're living, is not working." I was on the brink of a full-blown breakdown in the form of a major fibromyalgia flare-up.

Our bodies are a system -- and there needs to be a balance in and around that system in order for it to function optimally. It took mindfulness and humility for me to listen to my internal system and begin once again to ‘mindfully’ take care of it.

Thinking on the difference that mindfulness has made in my life, as we embark on a new decade in this world “out of balance,” it occurs to me that we collectively need to draw on mindfulness -- and humility -- to help us regain our balance.

The earth is a system, too. And all living organisms are part of that system. Clearly the earth system is off kilter, out of balance. The feedback we’ve been getting is loud and clear. How might humility help us to get back into balance collectively?

Linda Kavelin Popov describes humility as “being modest, humble, and unpretentious. We consider others’ views and needs as important as our own. We willingly serve others and accept help when we need it. When we cause hurt, we have the humility to admit it and make amends. We accept the lessons life brings, knowing that mistakes are often our best teachers.”

The term “humility” comes from the Latin adjective humilis, which may be translated as humble, but also as low, from the earth, or humid, all of which derives from humus (earth).

When I think of the earth, I think of natural balance. Gaia in her wisdom, a system of living organisms that work in homeostasis.

In his book Nature and the Human Soul, Bill Plotkin defines nature as “all that exists independently of human obstruction or invention; each thing according to its own spontaneities.” Unfortunately for nature, (and ourselves) we humans in our arrogance and ignorance have largely forgotten this.

... I look out

at everything

growing so wild

and faithfully beneath

the sky

and wonder

why are we the one

terrible

part of creation

privileged

to refuse our flowering ...

~ David Whyte, from "The Sun"

I just finishing reading Fruitless Fall, The Collapse of the Honey Bee and the Coming Agricultural Crisis by Rowan Jacobsen. He chronicles the history of the European honeybee, its historic importance to agriculture, and modern agriculture’s dependence on it. He warns of the impending collapse of the honeybee species, and the catastrophic repercussions this will have for human survival.

Greeted by Time as "a spiritual successor to Rachel Carson's seminal eco-polemic Silent Spring”, Fruitless Fall puts a laser-like point on the ecological challenges facing Gaia and all her living systems.

In the last few decades, the world’s beekeepers have been humbled by the force and complexity of a phenomenon dubbed “colony collapse disorder,” or CCD. It has swiftly, silently decimated up to 50% of their hives (and livelihoods) with no warning -- and, so far, no definitive cause.

In the industrialization of agriculture, the focus has been on efficiency and perceived low cost -- to the exclusion of best practice. Animals, including bees, are kept in unnatural feedlots and fed artificial diets, largely by machine.

These conditions are stressful. Inevitably, they lead to disease; which is often managed by antibiotics and other drugs. But the pathogens adapt, and themselves become more resilient “super bugs”; so our scientists come up with stronger antibiotics -- which puts things farther out of balance.

In addition, honeybees have lately been living life in the fast lane -- thanks to fossil fuels and cheap honey from China, it has become more profitable for North American beekeepers to rent their hives out as pollinators than to harvest their honey. Thus, many beekeepers now ship their hives all over the continent by truck and train, following the crops. All in the name of profits and the GNP.

Since the industrial revolution, we have measured the success of a family or a nation by its financial wealth. But, as Robert Kennedy pointed out in the 1960s:

“The gross national product [GNP] does not allow for the health of

our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play.

It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our

marriages; the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our

public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our

wisdom nor our learning; neither our compassion nor our devotion to

our country; it measures everything, in short, except that which makes
life worthwhile.”

Or, in the words of economist Joseph Stiglitz, a Nobel laureate and former Chief Economist at the World Bank: “What we measure affects what we do. If we have the wrong measures, we will strive for the wrong things."

Wrong for the honeybees, wrong for the humans, wrong for every passenger on our humble planet.

Honeybees may be the modern canaries in the coal mine. As their colonies are collapsing, so are ours. Jane Jacobs, in Dark Age Ahead, convincingly argues that humanity is on the brink of cultural collapse like the one that followed the fall of Rome; a catastrophic loss of all our marvelous accumulations of knowledge and technology, and worse -- a loss of memory that they even existed.

By most accounts, it looks and feels very much as if the fate of the

world is approaching a fundamental crossroads, and for most
prognosticators the future is grim. …

Undoubtedly many of the major issues of the day – from politics and
culture to economics and climate – are seemingly in a downward
spiral, [but] it’s also true that this is a time of great innovation, community-
building, and creative visioning.

For every corporate crony there’s a neighborhood activist; for every
warmonger a peacemaker; for every usurer a micro-lender; for every
profiteer a volunteer; and for every agribusiness an urban garden.

In each case, we can expound upon the poverty of the former while also
highlighting the power of the latter.

-- Randall Amster

***

What is the “power” of these simple, local measures, when they are up against entrenched multi-national institutions? I think the very fact that they are humble, as are the people who practice them.

Whether we are donating $25 for a micro-loan to a tiny local enterprise in Africa or Latin America, or speaking up at a school committee; supporting local small businesses rather than large big box stores; chopping out the dead stalks to make way for spring planting of a backyard garden, and/or buying as much local and organically grown food as we can access and afford, we are being humble, of the earth, working in and with the Earth and her children.

Even if we are “only” taking the time to listen to our bodies and rest, so that we can speak -- and listen -- more mindfully to those we love, we have Gaia working with us, because we are working with her.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the state of the world and I can easily go to despair. I worry that nothing I can do could possibly help enough to make a real difference. We really can't know standing here and looking into the future, how it will all play out. Then I look out at my garden, or hear the laughter of a child at play and I think of the musicians on the Titanic who even though they knew their fate used the gifts they had been given right up to the very last moment.

Like Helen Keller, I wish I could "... accomplish great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble." My job (and yours) is to bring the gifts I've been given into the world.

The environmentalist and lifelong student of world cultures, Thomas Berry calls humanity's almost universal commitment to industrial progress, "the supreme pathology of all history" -- and says it requires remedial treatment:

The entrancement with industrial civilization ... must be considered as a profound

cultural disorientation. It can be dealt with only by a corresponding deep cultural

therapy.

At such a moment a new revelatory experience is needed, an experience wherein

human consciousness awakens to the grandeur and sacred quality of the Earth process.

This awakening is our human participation in the dream of the Earth, the dream

that is carried in its integrity not in any of Earth's cultural expressions but in the

depths of our genetic coding.

In the days leading up to writing this blog, the song Color of the Wind from Walt Disney's Pocahontas has been playing in my mind over and over again. I finally googled it and found a clip sung by Judy Kuhn. It may feel corny to you but if it feels right, I humbly invite you to click on the link above and listen to it. [I found myself weeping]

I leave you with the words of Bill Plotkin:

A healthy society is, among other things, sustainable, just, and compassionate. It is

sustainable because it is expressly organized as an integral component of the greater

community of Earth; it establishes a niche for itself that benefits both its people and

the greater geo-biological community of which it is a member. It is a just society

because it provides equal opportunities and benefits for all persons. It is compassionate

because it shares its wealth with all other societies and with the greater web of life; it

does not exploit other peoples or species. -- Nature and the Human Soul

May we humbly begin to work together with each other and the systems that sustain us, to create healthy society everywhere. May we do so consciously and with purpose. May we finally enter the season of our flowering.

Happy 2011 and beyond.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Humility

I value others' thoughts and feelings.

I am willing to give and receive help.

I am a work in progress.

I admit mistakes and learn from them.

I am resilient, not perfect.

I am grateful for my gifts.

I am thankful for the gift of Humility. It is my greatest teacher.

Reflection questions

What lessons is life presenting to me?

What am I thankful for?

How can I better consider the needs of the sentient beings around me?

Who do I need to make amends to?

Volume 27 - Mindfulness

2010-11-30T08:34:00.001-08:00

I got a wake-up call this week. An old whiplash injury is often the first place I begin to experience a flare of the fibromyalgia that at times has been crippling in my life. And my back, neck and shoulders have been "singing."

It’s a combination of too many hours at the computer working on a fresh new website for my business, not enough physical exercise, and -- I’m almost embarrassed to say -- a general lack of boundaries in my life.

Why is that embarrassing? Well, setting clear boundaries is the third of the five strategies of the Virtues Project, a project that I have been living and working for almost 20 years.

To add insult to injury I’ve been facilitating a tele-seminar on boundaries the last couple of weeks, which I suspect assisted me to see that once again (without my conscious knowledge), I’ve been allowing my internal boundaries to go unheeded -- and once again, my body is trying to let me know it.

The worse thing about it is, I wasn’t being mindful so I didn’t realize the boundary bit. Oh, I knew that my body was hurting, but explained it away by the actions I was taking -- e.g., working hours on the computer -- rather than the actions I was neglecting to take.

I wasn’t "mindful" of what is really going on for me.

It took an avalanche of anger, triggered by what I took as a criticism from my son, to point it out.

As 18-year-olds often do, my son was trying to enlighten me about what he sees as a flaw in my thinking. (And without all the information, he felt absolutely right.) I listened, responded and when he kept on, I grew silent. Suddenly, without any explanation, I just got up and left the room.

Sitting in my office, trying to read, I became aware that I was not breathing, that I could not really get my breath. I began to "mindfully" breathe and immediately became aware of an avalanche of anger that I didn’t want or understand.

I got up, grabbed the vacuum cleaner and headed to the basement. The next hour was spent aerobically cleaning up the dust and dirt and tidying the detritus of life. I even put on loud music for about 10 minutes, allowing it to muffle my tears while I threw the vacuum hose around like a weapon.

After the ton of anger had shifted, I was able to be mindful once again.

I fully understand why this happens: my childhood home was full of anger, but it was almost entirely unspoken. Sometimes, the anger the adults could no longer hold was taken out on the children, in physically and emotionally demeaning actions and language.

There was no way I wanted to repeat that with my own children but I had no models of how to express anger in healthy ways. Consequently, I've become accustomed to 'stuffing' my anger. Energy has to go somewhere and that angry energy goes directly into my body.

These singing shoulders of mine are a teachable moment. An emotional barometer, if you will. An invitation to mindfulness.

To be mindful is to be aware of things as they are. We are able to be mindful by purposely paying attention to the way things are, rather than what we want them to be.

Linda Kavelin Popov says: “Mindfulness is living reflectively, with conscious awareness of our actions, words and thoughts. Awake to the world around us, we fully experience our senses. We are attentive to others’ needs. We refuse to rush. Living mindfully lightens our lives by helping us to detach from our emotions. We transform anger to justice. We seek joy instead of mere desire. We cultivate our inner vision, aware of life’s lessons as they unfold. Mindfulness brings us serenity.”

I’d like to be able to report that once I became mindful of what was really ‘up’ for me, I felt serene. I did not. "Hon" (my internal critic) began her "coulda, woulda, shoulda" rant ... and a deeper journey into what I really want in and for my life unfolded.

The intense anger had very little to do with my son and his adolescent idealism. It had everything to do with the abuse I was subjected to as a child, and the abuse that my parents (and theirs, and so on) were subjected to. It had everything to do with the lack of virtues development that I think is behind all of human atrocity and failure to live in love and unity with one another.

The Bill Cosby ‘hurt people, hurt people’ thing.

Dan Popov reminds us that Virtues are required for the success of any human endeavor. What virtue was missing?

That question led me back to mindfulness -- [funny how that happens] -- and mindfulness led me back to myself, and to my intention to be the person I want to be in the world. To the realization that beating myself up for being out of touch with myself is not helpful.

In his best selling book of the same name, Don Miguel Ruiz suggests that four agreements can assist us to navigate this "being human" journey with grace and personal power. These agreements fit beautifully with the Virtues Project and its message.

"1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can, to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to stuck. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”

These agreements speak to me as an invitation to examine what my boundaries are in relation to the people I am living with. To realize that things have changed for me -- expectations and desires have changed, now that my children have grown closer to adulthood than babyhood. That it is time to begin a dialogue with the people I live with, so we can let each other know who we are becoming at this stage of our lives and how we can support each other to do so.

It strikes me as perfect timing, with the holidays coming up and the beginning of a new decade in a new century right around the corner. A good time to read the internal barometer, discover where I am, and lean into where I want to be.

I'm going to begin by grounding and centering myself, getting in touch with myself so that I can feel my way in to the answers.

Jon Kabat-Zinn teaches a short mindfulness meditation in which you lay on your back and breathe. Placing one hand on your belly, over your navel, you notice how your abdominal wall rises with the in-breath and falls with the out-breath. As you continue to breathe, you merely see if you can pick up on and feel that movement, first with your hand and then without, "putting your mind into your belly." I am going to practice this short meditation daily, with an aim to stay closer to -- more 'mindfully' in touch with -- how I really am. It's going to be a gift, both to myself and to those I love.

Perhaps you'd like to do something similar.

May this season of light and love encourage us to be more mindfully aware of the needs of the world, and the gifts we have with which to meet them.

And may we include ourselves in that mix.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Mindfulness

I seek always to be awake and aware.

I am considerate of the needs of others.

I keep a pace of grace.

I do not allow emotions and impulses to rule me.

I cultivate my spiritual awareness with daily reflection.

I am a lifelong learner.

I am thankful for the gift of Mindfulness. It keeps me present.

Reflection Questions

What do I need to be aware of?

How can I become more mindful of what's really up for me?

What lessons is life bringing me?

In what ways might I practice daily reflection that support my spiritual awareness?

Volume 26 - Empathy

2010-11-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Fifteen years ago I attended my first facilitator training on The Virtues Project in Seattle, WA.

Linda Kavelin Popov invited us to "turn our internal critic into a gentle observer." I don't think I can get across how profound that invitation was for me. How ready for it I was. Suffice to say, it was huge. Up to that point I literally could not hold a compliment without going to all the ways it was not true. The person might not even be finished what they were saying before I had blanked out on anything positive they might be trying to convey, and had beaten myself up with a dose of shame and blame.

Having been raised in a divorced home with an absent, alcoholic father, I was very familiar with the shame-based "inner critic." Although I don't think until that moment in Seattle I even knew it. It was my default, my "second skin."

Judging and blaming myself had become second nature. I had a continuous loop of coulda - shoulda messages running around my brain. The idea that I could replace that negative talk was revolutionary. Even more revolutionary was the idea that the way to do it was to gently observe both myself and my internal critic's messages.

I was so ready.

Not only did Linda invite us to cultivate the gentle observer, she invited us to give the critic's voice a name. Ergo my conscious relationship with "Hun" (as in Attila). Things have improved between us: for the most part, I am now almost always able to call her "Hon." As a bonus, I oftentimes almost forget that she was my merciless inner torturer for nearly four decades.

Last week, introducing people to this idea at five days of Virtues Intensives, I saw and felt the light bulbs go off in their hearts and minds. Over and over they reported their own aha moments, or as one participant succinctly put it -- click.

I am eternally grateful for the privilege of leading and witnessing people as they share their strengths and challenges in the context of the virtues. Making a living doing it is practically unbelievable.

Most people come to my workshops wearing one or more of their "outer hats" -- (grand)parent, teacher, nurse, social worker, lawyer -- whatever vocation and roles they find themselves currently practicing. They also come with their internal critics on board, eager to "help."

I invite my guests to wear their "inner hats" -- as individual, completely unique spiritual beings having a human experience. I promise them that if they are here for themselves, even for just a day, their experience will be profound and authentic. And they will be more than equipped to go back into their lives and share what they've discovered with others.

We dive right in, experiencing how the strategies of the Virtues Project are strategies for living -- and how what started out as a parenting program swiftly (in the grassroots way any transformational path arises) turned into a powerful example of what Virginia Satir calls "peopling." The program helps us see, own and bring out the best in ourselves and see, acknowledge and bring out the best in others.

A win/win/win proposition. If we see and grow our own strengths, we win. (and those around us and in the world win too) When we show others how to see and grow their strengths, they win. (etc. - etc) And as this grows, the world wins. As Yul Brenner in The King and I so eloquently put it -- etc. etc. etc.

We look at our strengths -- virtues -- and our struggles (absence of or need for virtues) and share them in a safe environment of acceptance, courage, respect, trust and empathy.

We begin to heal our shame. (something that everyone has)

Last week, in one of those amazing synchronicities of life, right in the middle of the intensive I discovered the work of Brene Brown. A research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, she has spent the last ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame.

Ms. Brown has found that "shame breeds three things -- fear, blame and disconnection." Her research has also shown her (at first to her personal chagrin) that the ability to be vulnerable is absolutely tied to feelings of worthiness.

Of course, as she points out, a key way to become vulnerable is to open up the story we've been telling ourselves (or our internal critic has been telling us) -- to share it, and to let it be changed. After all, she notes, "From the beginning of human time, we've been wired for story."

It was delightful to find this research-based connection to the value of vulnerability in personal growth. And to find it at the same time as I was witnessing, yet again, a group of strangers becoming friends by sharing their hopes and their struggles.

One of the most important strategies we practiced during our five days together was the art of deep listening. As the Quaker writer Douglas Steere has said, "To listen another's soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service any human being ever performs for another."

In order to listen our own or another's soul into such a state, we call upon and practice the virtue of empathy.

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that empathy is --

"the ability to put ourselves in another's place and to understand their experience. We are deeply present to their thoughts and feelings, with such compassionate accuracy that they can hear their own thoughts more clearly.

Empathy connects us with our common humanity. It protects us from prejudice, blame and judgment -- those things that divide us from each other.

With empathy, we reflect on how our actions affect others. It moves us to seek justice for every person, even those with whom we disagree.

Empathy inspires us to be giving and selfless.

Empathy connects our hearts."

After working with people in workshops for 15 years, I know for certain it's relatively easy for folks to have empathy toward others who are sharing their struggles. I know from personal and professional experience that it's harder to have empathy towards ourselves (and the little selves inside us that show up to be heard when we do) and harder towards our intimates who are charged with accepting and loving us at our best and worst, but it's by far and above hardest of all towards the internal critic.

I've also learned that holding that internal critic with empathy, acceptance, curiosity and love transforms him/her and thereby us. We truly begin to be the change we want to see.

And then our world starts changing one heart at a time. Somehow we begin connecting with the collective heart of our humanity.

Once this reaches momentum (as in the 100th monkey phenomenom), I believe we'll be able to begin to show in word and deed, empathy towards all other life forms and mother Gaia herself.

Then we'll really be worthy of the appellation spiritual beings.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Empathy

I seek to understand others' experience.

I listen with compassion.

I refrain from judging and blaming.

I think about how my choices impact others.

I care about people's rights.

I feel my connection to all people.

I am thankful for the gift of Empathy. It sensitizes my heart.

Reflection questions

Whom would I like to stop judging?

Who's experience might I seek to understand?

How can I hold my 'inner critic' with Empathy?

What gifts does Empathy bring to me?

Volume 25 - Surrender

2010-10-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. ~Toni Morrison

The first Noble Truth the Buddha taught was, "Life is suffering." M. Scott Peck, in his 1978 personal development classic "The Road Less Traveled," expresses it as "Life is difficult," and that once we truly get it -- understanding it to be true and accepting it to be true -- we can transcend it. (Or begin to.)

Life is difficult; or, as he says elsewhere, "a series of problems." Yeah, I've noticed. Big and small, there's plenty for all.

Just yesterday --the day I set aside to to finish writing this piece -- I spent several hours counselling my two youngest children on separate issues that came up for them. When that was finished, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. "I'll attend to more menial tasks," I told myself, working on the deck railing we are replacing (in between weeklong spells of rain), then ending the day trying to unplug the basement bathroom toilet. In the latter process, I inadvertently left a dripping tap -- which pooled on the counter overnight, spilling onto the floor in the laundry room and ... sigh ... the life of the parent, householder, human being....

You know the drill. We go along clinging to our "best-laid plans" and little things happen that thwart them.

Sometimes, it's bigger things -- a financial meltdown leads to a recession and perhaps loss of work or decrease in income; a routine checkup leads to the news that we or someone we think we can't live without has a serious illness; a corporation causes an "accident" and tons of crude oil wipe out our coastline, taking our livelihood with it. A gigantic earthquake, flood or fire changes life as we know it.

I began this blog 25 issues ago with the virtue of Acceptance, noting John Lennon's apt reminder that often, "Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans."

I've had a lot of experience with acceptance. When I was a child, my parents divorced. As a result I was ill-equipped to choose a healthy relationship, and consequently, I divorced. Twice. The stress of trying to make the impossible (single motherhood) work cost me my health, and I developed fibromyalgia. You may be able to relate. Things you didn't want to happen, happened. Things you desperately wanted to happen, didn't. You learn to accept what comes.

Surrender is related to acceptance. I think it may take acceptance a little bit further, add a slightly different slant to it.

If we wed acceptance to understanding (and throw in some trust), we may come closer to surrender.

I'm not talking about waving a white flag on the end of a stick -- not exactly at least, though when I think about it, it is kind of a funny metaphor if we look at life as threatening in some unnatural way. What I'm talking about is the internal quality of surrender. What exactly is surrender in spiritual terms?

My dear friend Kara Hunnicutt shares:

"Surrender has a faint image of laying down my arms (as in weapons) -- an acknowledgement of my inner warrior whose courage has taken her just so far, but now must admit a larger truth. It speaks to me of release -- perhaps releasing my old stories of 'how things are', or releasing my need to be combative and drawn up into tight defensiveness. Surrender is a physical melting, a flower bud that opens, muscles that release. Surrender is a winding, gentle path from the head down to the soft animal of our body. The words sweet and surrender go together. Acceptance and trust lead to the physical sensation of surrender."

The metaphysician Doreen Virtue says of surrender, "It means to let go of agendas and judgments about what life 'should' look like or be like, and to instead accept life on life's terms." Doreen also points out that "Surrendering makes us relax, and thus allows us to better hear our intuition. We find that we can get honest with ourselves about what we really believe and want, and then follow this inner wisdom. A relaxed state also allows creative solutions to bubble up from the subconscious, and into conscious awareness.

Surrendering triggers an ideal emotional state for creating cooperative relationships."

Sounds good to me. Living with two teenagers, if anything creates the state required for cooperative relationships, sign me up!

Seriously, I wrote a few months ago about my son graduating from high school and moving into the world, finding his way. As I watch him move in one direction and then another, I sometimes find myself biting my tongue. I want to give him advice and guidance (unasked for of course) -- and it's almost always in a direction that is not at all his inclination. When I resist giving him the advice, I worry. How will he make a living as an artist? Where will he live? How will he ever afford a home of his own?

When I give in to my fears and lay my wisdom on him (unasked for) it almost inevitably causes distance and disunity. My retreat group calls this, "Help strikes again!"

Come to think of it, this happens with all the relationships I have, when I think I know better what a person needs than they do themselves and take it to the next level by gifting them with my opinion.

Often in life, with my children especially, it really seems like I am right and I do know what it is they need. Not because I'm smarter in any way (I know I'm not). More like I've lived into some wisdom, based on my experience, often experience that caused me some kind of hardship or pain. In other words, out of my "mis"-takes.

When I surrender and let them be, I feel the recognition that Kahil Gibran so eloquently penned about my children not being my children, but rather the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through me but not from me and even though they are with me, they do not belong to me. When I look at my children that way, I can get curious and ask, "Who are these people that came through me? What are the gifts they bring to me? To the world?" And, most important, "How can I help them discover those gifts.?"

I'm reminded of what I've learned in the two decades I've been applying the strategies of the Virtues Project to my life. If we do for someone something they can and should do for themselves -- we disable them. And so I must surrender my children, the passion and fruit of my life for the past 33 years, surrender them to Life, trusting that they will find their way. It might be messy sometimes, and assuredly painful at others, yet I must hold them able. A wise elder once said that "Life is for learning our lessons."

Also, I recognize, though I have a lot of influence on my children, they really are their own people with their own ideas and longings. They are meant to be specific people -- not little Kates -- but unique individuals in their own right.

And what about life outside my four walls?

The situation in the world seems to me to be (and has always been) out of my control. If I were Queen of the World, everyone would have shelter and food, clean water, useful work, peaceful homes and countries. Healthcare. Education. Love. This isn't something I take lightly. It seems to be one of the visions I bring.

Perhaps it's because I came of age during the Vietnam war, the first war to receive live television coverage. I remember the images on the six o'clock news -- an endless river of body bags emptied from C-130s. I was grieved yet powerless. I used to pray on my grandmother's laundry porch on the first star: "Star light, star bright the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight. I wish for world peace and happiness."

Concurrently, the civil rights movement was in full swing; there were protests in the streets for equality, for nuclear disarmament, for bringing back our troops. Mainstream youth from the US were driven into the counter-culture by the draft. Any moment, their number could be up and they could be sent to the jungles of Asia to defend the free world.

And here we are, 50 years later. How is the "free world'? There is war in Iraq, in Afghanistan, the Sudan; Somalia is a collapsed country run by pirates. We no longer see the reality of this on the nightly news, however, as the Pentagon declared war zones off limits to journalists under President Reagan, so the only coverage we now see is what they allow.

I could go on and on but you get the drift. Basically what I need to do is surrender to what is while doing what I can to make it different.

Sylvia Boorstein said, "I've discovered there are only two modes of the heart. We can struggle or we can surrender. Surrender is a frightening word for some people, because it might be interpreted as passivity, or timidity. Surrender means wisely accommodating ourselves to what is beyond our control. Getting old, getting sick, dying, losing what is dear to us ... is beyond our control. I can either be frightened of life and mad at life or not."

When I think of the state of the world right now -- the inequities, the hunger, the climate change, the injustice to humans and the natural world that is perpetrated each and every day -- I do feel mad. And helpless. I also feel despair and yes, I am sometimes frightened. When will we humans collectively learn our lessons?

How can I hold all the polarities having this human experience on this planet bring me and enjoy this one life I have been given? How can I surrender to what is and still work for what could be?

How can I make a difference? How can I surrender to what is, and work for what I want to see?

The serenity prayer comes to mind. You know how it goes:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." --Reinhold Niebuhr

Did you know there was an extended version?

It goes like this:

God, grant us the....

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can, and the

Wisdom to know the difference

Patience for the things that take time

Appreciation for all that we have, and

Tolerance for those with different struggles

Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the

Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the

Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

Sounds like a manifesto for living -- and an apt description of surrender.

Think I'll mediate on that for a bit. I'd love to hear your thoughts on surrender.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Surrender

I use wisdom and understanding to discern the things I cannot change.

I accept those things I cannot change.

I have patience for the things that take time to change.

I'm tolerant of those whose differences challenge me. (as they may never change)

I accept life on life's terms.

I'm grateful for the ability to surrender to what is. It gives me peace and opens me to new possibilities.

Reflection Questions

What or whom do I need to surrender?

What new possibilities might surrender open up to me?

What would help me accept life on life's terms?

Volume 24 - Sacrifice

2010-09-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

Linda Kavelin Popov says, "Sacrifice is the willingness to give up something important for something more important. It means to '"make sacred." When we sacrifice for those we care about, it is not a deprivation but a love offering. Sacrificing our time, our possessions, our personal comfort and our resources for something we care passionately about gives back to us a hundred fold. It is worth every drop of sweat and every wound we receive. It is in giving our all for a worthy purpose that we receive genuine prosperity."

My three 'island kids' and I spent much of the last couple of weeks with their sister, my oldest daughter, and her family who we don't see very often because they live in Northern Alberta.

As I watched them drive away this morning, heading for the ferry and the long trip home I was grateful for the sacrifice they made to enable us all to be together again this summer.

I realized that the two of them have sacrificed much for their family, including the freedom of their youth. They did it because they were willing to sacrifice something important for something more important. How did they know to do this?

Her partner, like her, was not privileged to grow up in an 'intact' nuclear family.

They fell in love at a pretty young age (high school sweethearts) and had their first child when they were both eighteen.

My beautiful granddaughter is now fourteen, her sister turns eleven this fall. Together with their little brother (newly five) they are my only grandchildren. I love them all fiercely.

I've watched their mom and dad sacrifice in order to raise them. They forfeited higher education, he to become the breadwinner, she to be the nurturing at home parent. They gave up those carefree 'party' years of late adolescence and early adulthood.

They willingly gave up some of their important 'dreams' for the well-being of their family. In order to make a decent living they've had to sacrifice family time while dad worked away from home for many years. In order to have dad home at night they sacrificed being close to extended family, (and easy access to higher education) by moving to Northern Alberta some years ago so that my son in law could continue in his profession AND be home to tuck the kids in most every night.

Like the rest of us, they haven't always done it perfectly. They may even have some regrets about choices made -- but overall they have made 'sacred' the bonds of family and stuck together -- though neither of them had a clue how to do so because they had never experienced or witnessed it before.

I am both proud and envious. Their kids have a confidence in themselves that warms my heart and I'm eager to watch their lives unfold.

As the child of a broken home I yearned for adulthood and the chance to create the kind of family life I did not have. In the end I was unable to maintain a strong nuclear family for my children and I felt deep grief at what I saw as my failure.

When I imagined my life as a youngster, the details were very different than what actually transpired. I didn't know what I didn't know and was often blindsided by the choices of others.

Like you I made my own sacrifices. In order to give my kids the best that I could deliver I opted to stay in the small towns they had been born in rather than live closer to family who could have lightened the load.

One of the things I sacrificed (due to long years of burn out and stress) was my health. Yet the silver lining of that is I've been blessed to find fulfilling work that allowed me plenty of time to be with them. I've given up many things I would have liked to do for myself so that I could be there for them.

Even so, what I gave my kids often wasn't nearly what they deserved (nor what they thought they wanted) and my energies were stretched pretty thin. Along the way many families 'sacrificed' in their own way to help me do it. Parents of my kids friends taking them under their wings, including them in their own families. Such a blessing.

Though the path wasn't as smooth as I envisioned and sometimes I wanted to quit - I gave my all because I believed it was a worthy purpose. (and our best is all we can do) I know you've done the same in your own life story.

Sitting in circle with my loved ones yesterday -- holding space as each one talked about their present feelings and hopes and fears for the year unfolding -- as each one was seen and valued and acknowledged for the character qualities -- virtues -- they exhibit, I got anew and in a deeper way than ever that my life is and has always been very very rich indeed.

Any regrets I might have about the way things have unfolded pale in the light of this bounty.

How thankful I am for the gifts of 'genuine prosperity' that arise from a life that includes personal sacrifice.

One of the great teachers once said, "O SON OF MAN! My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy." Baha'u'llah

I bow my head in gratitude to the Creator that made it so and who gave me the capacity to recognize it. How thankful I feel to have lived into that truth.

As we approach the Labor Day weekend -- let's take a moment in our lives to appreciate the sacrifices we made that brought us to the place we stand and the sacrifices of those who helped us along the way and lets light a candle or whisper a prayer for those in our world who seem to have lost their way.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Sacrifice

I discern my true passion.

I offer my love wholeheartedly.

I give whatever I can.

I invest completely in my life's purpose.

I accept the losses along with the gifts.

I am committed to the value of my dreams.

I am thankful for the gift of Sacrifice. It makes my life sacred.

Reflection Questions

What is my true passion?

How can I invest completely in my life's purpose?

How have my calamities been my providence?

What has been 'made sacred' by my sacrifice?

Virtues Project Intensives - Register 3 and the 4th's on me!

2010-08-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

What a post from Kate? Is she going to write a 'weekly' newsletter? Well, I have been considering that (feedback would be welcome -- do you think it would be valuable? -- are you willing to email stories and ideas? -- thoughts?)

This post though is an 'advert' for some upcoming intensives here on Vancouver Island. If you love the project and feel okay about it -- feel free to post a link on your social networking sites, refer a friend to the blog, or?

I hope that wherever you are you are gleaning peace and joy from the last days of summer and your transition into fall is smooth.

Namaste,

~ Kate

************

These are tough times and it's hard to know where to put our energies (and resources) Stress and pressures abound.

Can it be better ... ?

Yes, it can.
You can make it better -- for yourself, for those around you, for your world.
Just by doing things you already do.

The Virtues Project is a simple but revolutionary way to look at yourself ... and others ...
to identify and encourage our strengths ...
to use them to support growth in our weak areas ...
to create communities of safety and creativity.

For more than 20 years now, the Virtues Project has been inspiring people around the world.
It is being used in more than 90 countries -- by individuals, governments, corporations, social service agencies, community organizations and schools -- to develop individuals and communities of strength, hopefulness and resilience.

On October 22 & 23rd, Virtues Project Master Facilitator Kate Marsh will be leading a small group of people
in an intensive exploration of how nurturing our inner qualities can change our lives ...
and the world around us.

It's happening in the quietly glorious seaside village of Chemainus, on Canada's majestic Vancouver Island.
And there are still openings available ...

This two day introduction will be followed by The Virtues Project Facilitator Intensive October 25th through 27th. Spend time planning how to seemlessly incorporate the five strategies into your lives, communities and workplaces.

I'm so convinced that the Virtues Project is one of the best ways to address the issues you face as 'spiritual beings having a human experience' (and the issues the planet faces at 'The Great Turning') I'm offering an extra incentive to come. Register 3 people and the 4th is on me.

For more details click on the dates above.

Volume 23 - Generosity

2010-08-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

Has it been a month already? Unbelievable!

I've just spent almost a week in the home of two of my dearest friends with some of the people I love the most in the world. As I write this blog, the rest of the folks are vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms, packing the cars and readying for the trip home. (so this will be short)

*************Due to technical difficulties, before I could send this blog out to cyber space, we had to hit the road.... so here we are today, 24 hours later in the Visitor's Center in the Western Washington town of Aberdeen -- the birthplace of Kurt Cobain -- after a chilly night camping on the west coast, (where poor Holly's inflatable mattress, neglected to stay inflated and the light summer blanket we brought did not keep us warm.....remember those camping stories folks?

We have had a wonderful time thanks to the generosity of two dear, dear friends.

Mark and I had planned a visit to the area where his family lives -- to reconnect and share our plans with them.

My dear friends the Grovers immediately offered their home, even though they were going to be away at their own family reunion. (we missed you guys!)

We have known each other for almost 18 years now, and though we haven't lived in the same area for at least ten of them, our hearts still remain connected. They are the kind of friends we think of as 'family'.

They generously offered to open their two bedroom home to a potential 8 people.

We had originally hoped to number 8 staying in their beautiful home, but only six were able to gather. We met here, for many meals and wonderful times with seven others, ranging in age from 6 to 65.

We played and listened to live music, laughed and shared stories and grew to love and know each other more deeply.

Many happy memories were made and recounted.

"The gift which is given without thought of recompense, in the belief that it ought to be made, in a fit place, at an opportune time and to a deserving person -- such a gift is pure." Bhagavad-Gita 17:20

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that 'generosity is giving and sharing. It is giving freely because you want to, not with the idea of receiving a reward or a gift in return. Generosity is a quality of the spirit. It is an awareness that there is plenty for everyone. It is seeing an opportunity to share what you have and then giving just for the joy of giving. Generosity is one of the best ways to show love."

Dick and Jane certainly gave our clan the gift of generosity.

Someone once said, "The heart is happiest when it beats for others."

I hope their gift made them even half as happy as it made us.

I hope you are getting plenty of time to spend with your loved ones and having a safe and happy summer.

As the song goes, see you in September.

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Generosity

I am thoughtful about the needs of others.

I notice when someone needs help.

I give freely without hope of return.

I give fully without holding back.

I am willing to make sacrifices for others.

I use wisdom about sharing treasured belongings.

I am generous. I look for opportunities to give and to share. There is plenty of time for thoughtfulness. I give freely, fully and cheerfully.

Reflection Questions

What does generosity call me to today?

Who would I like to give to, without holding back?

Who in my community could use my help, even in a small way?

What will I do to assist them?

Volume 22 - Unity

2010-07-02T15:37:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about our planet and who lives here these past four weeks. Common sense would dictate to me that we need to find a way to live together, in peace and harmony.

You know the -- 'what the world needs now, is love sweet love' -- kind of thing.

Does common sense prevail? Sometimes. (Maybe always, given enough time.)

Seems everyday, 'scientists' are proving what common sense has always known. For instance I just read a study that proves that organic fruits and vegetables are better for you than non-organic 'sprayed with chemicals' produce. Our grandmothers could have told us that, and many of us have been living with that common sense for decades. In recent years, we have 'learned' brown rice is better for you than white. Really? Who knew? :-) My favorite 'new' insight -- You might want to be wary of chemicals you put on your skin; if you wouldn't eat it, maybe you don't want to slather it all over yourself. Duh.

I could go on and on, but you are probably mentally adding several to this list just off the top of your head. (I'd love to see them posted here as comments!)

What worries me the most is that the direction we've taken (calling it 'development') has caused untold problems, for ourselves and the other life forms we cohabit the earth with. And though most of us finally recognize it, we don't seem to know what to do about it -- or when we do, we don't seem to have the will, personal or political, do to it.

Black Elk, the Lakota teacher, reminded us that "all things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One."

The depth and breadth of the unity of life is being discovered by human beings daily, yet little is being done to stop the destruction by one species (read "people") of the majority of the rest -- 'all our relations,' as they are spoken of by the First Nations people in the region where I live. And then, ironically, since what we do to them we are also doing to ourselves, we don't seem able to stop what looks like the inevitable destruction of whole populations of humans, just as we haven't been able to protect thousands upon thousands of other living species.

Brian Swimme points out in The Hidden Heart of the Cosmos that human beings, as a result of insight and technological skills, have become what he calls a 'macrophase' power: our impact on the earth has the potential to be as powerful as the Ice Age glaciations, or the forces that catalyzed the great extinctions of the past. Unfortunately, he adds, we only have a 'microphase' sense of responsibility or ethical judgment. So far, at least, we humans have not developed the requisite vision or judgment to act on our own (and the planet's) best behalf.

"Now, our concerns for the human community can only be fulfilled by a concern for the integrity of the natural world. The planet cannot support its human presence unless there is a reciprocal human support for the life systems of the planet." -- Thomas Berry

The BP Horizon oil disaster and its disputed rate of flow is one example. Exxon Valdez might have taught us of the dangers of oil to our coastal regions; yet for some reason, our insatiable appetite helped us to 'conveniently' overlook the lesson. Consequently, in the Gulf of Mexico as you read this, 'relations' from sea to air to shore are being affected, many of them fatally, and there appears to be no end in sight.

I remember as a child learning of the extinction of species caused by mankind; yet 40-plus years later, some 30,000 species are still going extinct every year. The planet's most eminent biodiversity specialists have said that 'Earth faces a catastrophic loss of species.' (Steve Connor, The Independent, July 20, 2006) The majority of the extinctions have been caused by habitat destruction, under the guise of what some humans call 'development'. Fully 95 percent of the primordial forests of North America have been destroyed -- and developers are battling with ecologists to for the right to take down as much of the remaining 5 percent as regulation will allow.

I don't know where you live, but I'd be surprised if you haven't noticed the 'changeable' weather patterns of the last number of years. The decade from January 2000 to December 2009 was the warmest on record, according to NASA.

Not only is fresh water becoming harder to provide for much of the world -- with 3 billion more human beings expected by mid-century -- but severe food shortages are inevitable.

Life, as modern wo/man has known it must change -- radically. Choices we have made in the past have created a very serious crisis. If we are to survive as a species, and to reverse the trend of destruction that our rush to industrialize has ramped up to frenetic levels, we have to make some very different choices from here on in.

"We know that we are the ones who are divided, and we are the ones who must come back together to walk in the Sacred Way." -- Ojibway Prayer (Oneworld Book of Prayer, p. 152)

What is the sacred way? Centuries before Christ, the Greek healer Hippocrates, writing the creed for physicians, said, 'First do no harm." Imagine what the world would be like if humanity was to truly embrace that sacred way.

Is it even possible?

What would need to happen?

Unity of purpose at the outset.

"Unity," Linda Kavelin Popov writes, "is a powerful virtue and it brings great strength. Unity is inclusiveness. It brings people together. We see our commonality without devaluing our differences. We experience our connectedness with all people and all life." (italics added)

People need to feel like they have a voice in order to feel united with others. They need to feel like they matter. Often, it's fear that keeps us from listening to those who think differently than we do. Fear and prejudice. But "unity frees us from the divisiveness of prejudice and heals our fears" (LKP again).

I was disheartened at the events outside the G20 meeting in Toronto this past week. But I was also disheartened at the main focus of the meeting. I realize that those leaders felt the need and the pressure to avert further economic crises and set their agenda accordingly. But there were members of my family, 'the human family,' who were there because they had even greater concerns on their mind, and they want a place at the table and a voice in the debate.

As Thomas Berry (cultural historian and ecotheologian (although cosmologist and geologian — or “Earth scholar” — were his preferred descriptors) points out, "Fixation on the primacy of industry in the well-being of the human is producing a recession of the basic resources of Earth which is now a permanent condition. This recession is not a temporary economic recession of any one nation, nor the recession of some financial or commercial arrangement; it is an irreversible recession of the planet itself, in many of the basic aspects of its functioning. The Earth simply cannot sustain the burden imposed on it."

I understand the desire to ensure that whole economies don't collapse, but common sense would seem to urge an approach that considers the 'real' costs of any such measures. Trying to keep the stock markets afloat if the Earth is going down is like polishing the china and putting the jewelry in the safe on the Titanic. If we haven't hit the iceberg, we're certainly heading for it, full steam ahead.

Thomas Berry, in The Great Work: Our Way Into the Future (N.Y., Bell Tower, 1999), sees the last night on the Titanic as an apt parable for our response to the current global situation.

"Long before the collision, those in command had abundant evidence that icebergs lay ahead. The course had been set, however, and no one wished to alter its direction. Confidence in the survival capacities of the ship was unbounded. ... What happened to that 'unsinkable' ship is a kind of parable for us, since only in the most dire situations do we have the psychic energy needed to examine our way of acting on the scale that is now required. The daily concerns over the care of the ship and its passengers needed to be set aside for a more urgent concern, the well-being of the ship itself. Here is where macrophase concerns in one context become microphase concerns in another context. Passenger concerns in the situation of the Titanic needed to give way to a macrophase decision about the ship itself."

We need to collectively awaken our macrophase vision, at once. We need to experience and understand our unity -- not just with other humans, but with 'all our relations,' -- every life form who rides this planet with us -- and we need to begin feeling and thinking and acting from that deep, full sense of unity. In these times, and the times to come, blessed indeed is the individual human who can say, "I refuse to engage in conflict, seeking peace in all circumstances. "

Linda Popov reminds us that "unity comes when we value every person, in our family or in the world. The joy of one is the joy of all. The hurt of one is the hurt of all. The honor of one is the honor of all."

When I think of the enormity of the issues we are facing, I feel overwhelmed. You probably do too. What can you or I, only one of more than 6 billion people, possibly do?

Some of what we can do, and are doing, may have begun to sound like cliches or motherhood and apple pie.

Think globally, act locally. Check. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Check. Grow a garden (and/or support a community garden or farmer's market). Check. Buy organic, as much as possible. Check. Move to cleaner energy. Working on it. Conserve water. Working on it.

As we stand at a precipice once again -- on the cusp of 'business as usual' or 'let's try it a new way', -- may we chose anew.

If each of us could fully embrace the unity of all living things, we'd be one giant step closer tolearning to live in unity with the ecosystems of the world.

Those of us living in the West have come to expect 'the good life'. And in recent history the good life meant having more than enough, having luxury with little or no regard for the impact on the ecosystem. We have perhaps one generation to make 'the good life' mean one that gives back as much as it takes, or more, a life that lives in harmony with all living things around it.

At the risk of sounding like a cliche -- let it be this generation.

That way, even if (Gaia forbid) we can't stop the human ship from sinking, we'll go down more fully humane.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Unity

I am a lover of humanity.

I seek common ground.

I appreciate differences.

I resolve conflicts peacefully.

I honor the value of each individual [and every living thing].

I am a unifier.

I am thankful for the gift of Unity. It makes me an instrument of peace.

Reflection Questions

How can I be a unifier in my immediate world?

What can I do to help the earth and "all her relations?

Who in my neighborhood is being excluded from the table? (and how can I invite them?)

What action am I called to in the wider world?

Volume 21 - Idealism

2010-06-01T17:02:00.001-07:00

This past weekend, I faced the realization (with sadness as well as joy) that my relationship with my only son Ian, my little boy, has changed forever. In spite of (or perhaps because of -- after all we can't really know such things -- no way to conduct a double-blind study on an individual's life)....oh, rambling already? -- where was I? Oh right, in spite of the fact that his father and I divorced, he has grown into a unique, creative, compassionate, forward-thinking idealist. He is one of my greatest teachers and one of the human beings I most admire.

He will continue to be in my life for as long as I live, yet clearly, the way that will continue is going to change now.... I already miss his day-to-day presence.

Though he started out as a 'home learner', he graduated from our local 'conventional' high school this past February. This was a noteworthy accomplishment for one of the most unconventional young men I have ever met, (that may not have come about without the dedication, acceptance and flexibility of the administration and staff of said school) -- and, I might add, an outcome that was in question several times over the last couple of years, as he expressed frustration and anger at the lack of relevance to his life of the courses he was taking. Since then, he's been trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life.

He spent a lot of time the last three months on a 'school project' -- finishing a CD album of his own original songs (championing his beliefs and dreams for the world). He also spent time in the garden, helping to pull weeds and spread manure, looking forward to this summer's fresh veggie crop. He even cleaned his room! And we had many, many long conversations about the future ... his, mine, yours, the earth's.

Like many teens worldwide, he is deeply concerned about the state of our environment and the state of our relationships -- to ourselves, each other and the planet we all share. Unlike many teens (or adults for that matter) he mainly 'walks his talk.' (Sometimes he walks it literally - it was only recently, at, 18, that he finally consented to get a driver's license.) He also takes ownership of his feelings, expressing them freely and asking others to share theirs. When he 'screws up' (his words) he apologizes and makes amends as needed and possible. If the folks in his world are struggling in relation to each other, he attempts to mediate, pointing out the principle of love and respect and inviting each party to see what's good about the other. He absolutely refuses to listen to backbiting, nor will he speak disparagingly (or even gossip) about another. He's also the 'water police' at our house, using the low-flow toilet in the basement bathroom and reminding each of us to turn the tap off when we're brushing our teeth or washing the dishes.

He was the person who gave me a perspective on the cost to the planet's water reserves our Western way of life creates. For instance, did you know it takes up to 1,500 gallons of water to produce one standard pair of blue jeans? Or 53 gallons to produce a coffee-shop latte?

Oh, side-tracked again.... back to my boy.

Very much an independent, with an idealism about what's possible that inspires (and sometimes irritates) others, in 11th grade he suggested his high school create a vegetable garden. Part of it was a creative way he could see for doing an independent study to gain credits towards graduation. Though it didn't work out as an independent study, (and he had very little physically to do with it's construction) the school principal was very open to and supportive of the idea, and several folks from the local green community got involved. The garden not only lives, but through the initiatives of other idealists (both students and faculty) the school has begun composting; (they've been recycling for a long time), and recently planted fruit trees. With help from a BC Hydro grant, they will soon become the first high school in British Columbia to capture enough energy from solar panels on the roof to meet all their hot water needs.

My son has written numerous letters to the local paper, advocating that the former (now unused) elementary school building be used as a community center for our small town, and urging that its grounds be converted into a community garden. (He once wanted to plant apple seeds in the borders of the school grounds, hoping they would eventually turn into trees with fruit to feed people.) Neither of these things have happened so far, but hey, who knows?

Ian is the one young man I know who best epitomizes the Shaw quote, "You see things and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were and I say, "Why not?'"

A week ago, as part of his exploration of how to live "in the world, but not of it," he left our home for a nine-week internship at O.U.R. Ecovillage, a sustainable learning 'intentional' community and demonstration site located in the beautiful Cowichan Valley on Vancouver Island, BC. O.U.R. EcoVillage bases their work on Permaculture principles and offers learning opportunities for Natural Building, Sustainable Food Production and Leadership.

"Permaculture is sustainable land-use design. This is based on ecological and biological principles, often using patterns that occur in nature to maximise effect and minimise work. Permaculture aims to create stable, productive systems that provide for human needs, harmoniously integrating the land with its inhabitants. The ecological processes of plants, animals, their nutrient cycles, climatic factors and weather cycles are all part of the picture. Inhabitants’ needs are provided for using proven technologies for food, energy, shelter and infrastructure. Elements in a system are viewed in relationship to other elements, where the outputs of one element become the inputs of another. Within a Permaculture system ... “wastes” become resources, productivity and yields both increase, and environments are restored. Permaculture principles can be applied to any environment, at any scale, from dense urban settlements to individual homes, from farms to entire regions." --Wikipedia

Of course, this is right up Ian's alley. For several years now, he has been consciously choosing how to live and move in the world based on the need for and virtues of living a life more aligned with our natural rhythms, more unified with those around us. A healthy and sustainable life that is good for the earth and for all her relations.

I'm excited for him personally -- and for all of us, collectively. Learning to live in a community has never been more needed. Humans of all races need to learn how to do this. Learning to live 'sustainably' is critical. I think if we don't learn these skills fast, humanity is doomed. The feedback from the planet and her systems about our present way of life has been loud and long and clear.

We didn't need another 'wake up' call in my mind, but on Earth Day, April 20th -- courtesy of British Petroleum (who did the drilling), the United States government (who let them), and ourselves (through our voracious consumption) -- we got one. The Gulf Coast oil fiasco is just one more incident with untenable consequences, in the long line of 'industrialization' (read global destruction) that began in earnest with the razing of the Cedars of Lebanon around 2000 BCE, ultimately creating the Arabian desert in what was formerly the 'fertile crescent' surrounding the Tigris and Euphrates rivers -- and now, culminating in the worldwide ecological disaster humankind is tottering on the brink of. (Some might say we've slipped over the edge and are in free fall.)

We couldn't be in a bigger mess. We sure as hell don't want to be. Overpopulation, climate change, proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, loss of entire species and ecosystems, new viruses and diseases, economic uncertainty, drought, famine...(need I say more?) Okay, war.... It only stands to reason that trying to solve problems with the same flawed thinking and poor stewardship that created them is not the answer.

But what is?

I remember my own idealistic youth, followed by decades of unflagging optimism about what is possible. Now, at the ripe old age of 53, I am often worn out, jaded, dispirited and disappointed. I can get downright glum about our prospects for creating what, in my heart, I know is possible. Young men and women (and more optimistic older ones) can see the vision for a better future and can't understand why the rest of us aren't changing. They are voting with their lives. Dropping out of the cultural norms and pioneering new forms of living.

They are the kind of idealists we need: fresh, untainted by decades of trying to make a difference, only to have their hard-won contributions wiped out by the 'establishment' or the latest swing of the pendulum of party politics. They see the 'system' for what it is, a construct that has to die for us to live, and they want to choose life, and choose it now.

Linda Kavelin Popov describes idealists as "having a vision of what is possible and wanting to make a difference. Idealists," she says, "care passionately about what is meaningful in life and see things as they could be. They also have faith in the power of change."

Like my dear son, idealists "put ... principles into practice," not merely accepting the way things are or merely talking about how it could be better. Idealists dare to have big dreams and then act as if they are possible. Some of us are "idle dreamers." I think I'm too often guilty of falling in that category. As Linda Popov says, "Idle dreamers just wish things were better. Idealists do something to make things better."

To make things better here on this planet, we need a sustainable design for living as a species, in unity with the other living systems, including Mother Earth herself.

I love that my son and his fellow students are doing something to make things better, not only by learning skills for building sustainably, but also by knowing that everyone and everything on the planet is interdependent and that any true (workable) solution will have to take that into account.

International environmental advocate David Suzuki (another one of the human beings I most admire) contends that "what permaculturists are doing is the most important activity that any group is doing on the planet. We don’t know what details of a truly sustainable future are going to be like, but we need options, we need people experimenting in all kinds of ways; and permaculturists are one of the critical gangs that are doing that.” (italics added)

All around the world, we see destruction and disintegration. It's hard to remain optimistic in the face of it. It's essential that we cling to our idealism -- the kind that dreams and does.

Although he was prophesying about the civil rights movement 44 years ago, Bobby Kennedy's statement is equally true about the 'way of life' of humans on planet earth: "A revolution is coming -- a revolution which will be peaceful if we are wise enough; compassionate if we care enough; successful if we are fortunate enough -- but a revolution which is coming whether we will it or not. We can affect its character; we cannot alter its inevitability."

“There is something awesome, mysterious, and divine in humanity that has called groups of people, throughout history, to risk everything to speak the truth . . . Let us not get lost in the culture of fear that is being thrust upon us... human consciousness is experiencing birth pains. Remember Teilhard de Chardin’s call to assist in this new emergence by passionately practicing love for life.” – Thomas Atum O’Kane

On those days when I find that too hard, I'm gonna stand beside/behind the idealists of this world. (Even if all I can do is make them dinner)

Where will you stand?

The Practice of Idealism

I have a dream.

I have a plan.

I have faith in the highest possible outcome.

I walk my talk.

I persevere.

I make a difference.

I am thankful for the gift of Idealism. It helps me to realize my dreams.

Reflection Questions

What is my dream for this world?

How can I make a difference?

What commitment must I make to 'walk my talk'?

What in my mind is the highest possible outcome and how can I contribute to helping it come about?

Volume 20 - Patience

2010-05-03T13:22:00.001-07:00

I decided to write about patience this month. Much of the events of last week seemed to be conspired to 'try' mine.

April 30th is the deadline for individuals to file their income tax in Canada. Though as an independent facilitator (with an unincorporated business) I legally have until June 15th to file, I wanted to take advantage of a sale price on the online software I use, which expired on April 30th.

I started early in the week. Computer software speaks a language, I am not fluent in. I knew that it would be challenging to get a whole years income and expenses, calculated (yes, I confess, I'm one of those 'shoebox' bookeepers) -- but given enough time, it would work. I knew it was a matter of patient perseverance.

It only happens once a year, so it takes me time to get into the groove. By Wednesday (the 28th) I felt I was finally in the flow. Right in the middle of inputting, I was suddenly knocked off line.

Now, living with two teenagers that share my main computer, I've had more than enough opportunity to reboot and reset my computer during those times when inexplicably I cannot 'connect'.

After an hour of 'patiently' attempting all the tricks I've been coached to use to get back online, I broke down and called my server.

After waiting 'patiently' on the telephone for several minutes, I was told that service in my area was down and there was no known estimated time for resolution.

This state of affairs continued until Friday (the day of filing) when a call to the server gave me the unwelcome news that the ETA of resolution was May 3rd!

Sigh...

Linda Kavelin Popov tells us that, "patience is quiet hope and faith that things will turn out right. We trust the process of life. We are not hasty. We do not rush or allow ourselves to be overcome by pressure. Patience helps us to endure things we cannot control with a peaceful heart. We respond to mistakes or delays, not with judgment but gentleness. We recognize the lessons that come through waiting, and receive them as gifts unfolding with Divine timing. Patience brings acceptance. It calls us to be restful and to listen deeply. Patience soothes our souls."

I always thought that patience was a feeling, a kind of serene 'Mother Theresa' state that one either had, or didn't. Certainly, when practicing patience, one has a greater sense of serenity than might otherwise be the case. When I'm impatient, I'm also not really present. Present to what is, rather than what I hope for.

Many, many times in my life, when things have not gone according to plan, I have felt 'impatient'. Frustrated. Upset.

This time was no exception. I not only had the tax deadline to meet, I also had a blog to publish.

What to do? Take all my paperwork and my laptop, to some public internet access zone and carry on? That thought didn't seem very inviting.

I decided to try acceptance and cultivate patience (though I didn't feel it) and endure what I couldn't control, (and aim for a peaceful heart). I would file my taxes at some future date and write the blog once service was restored.

Suddenly, there was a block of time that was free and clear. What next? I became 'still in the moment' and was 'restful' and 'listened deeply'. And what called was a day on Saltspring Island with my beloved, starting with a leisurely stroll at the Saturday market and ending with a sunset ferry ride. Bliss.

***

This was a relatively painless walk with patience. It was easy to trust that things would eventually turn out right.

What happens with the more personally challenging things in life? Can patience soothe those?

Last month I shared my continuing journey with moderation and the resultant young 'visitors' who've been coming to call. The unseen, unheard, unmet selves that live under the surface --beneath the persona and personality -- I've developed as an adult. About how hard it is for me to accept and be 'patient' with them.

I've come to really believe (at a deep, deep level) the importance of tending these wounded ones -- of loving and honouring them - trusting that doing so will allow new parts of myself to come forward -- to blossom.

Ancient wisdom?

Long before the time of the formal science of psychology, Rumi said, "This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

I've entertained many such 'guests' over the years. I suspect you have too, (even if you weren't consciously aware that was who they were). Once we become conscious of these visitors (and the truth that all human beings have them), it becomes infinitely easier to be there - with and for them.

And embarking on a path of consciousness and growth seems to call them forward like nothing else.

Growing is not for sissies. It can feel overwhelming at times. How do we hold all these parts of ourselves? How can we be patient with them? How can we love the hurting little selves within us, and within others? How can we heal, ourselves, our world?

Big questions. Critical answers. Most of the world's ills are caused by people who are 'out of touch' with their true selves. In 1992, Marty Daniels coined the phrase (which Bill Cosby often repeats), "Hurt people hurt people."

We don't have to look far to see the truth of those words. Many of us live with such people; most of us have been such people at one time or another. If you miraculously happen to be in the miniscule minority for which neither of these apply, just glance at a newspaper, or listen to a news broadcast, or look around your neighbourhood.

How much could be healed by each of us asking those big questions, seeking those critical answers? Nothing is more needed for our souls, and for the survival of humanity.

"You suppose you are the trouble, but you are the cure. You suppose that you are the lock on the door, but you are the key that opens it." - Rumi

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Patience

I am hopeful and expectant.

I do not rush.

I am gentle with myself and others when we make mistakes.

I accept things I cannot control with humor and grace.

I am confident that my life is unfolding as it should.

I live fully in the present moment.

I am thankful for the gift of Patience. It helps me to keep my peace.

Reflection Questions

What little person needs my love and patience?

How can I trust the process of life?

What lessons have come to me through waiting?

Whom do I most need to be patient with?

Volume 19 - Caring

2010-04-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can hardly believe it's been four weeks since I wrote about and pledged to walk with moderation in March.

Was I able to be moderate? Sometimes I actually was. It was a more graceful month than many. I liked the pace. Though there were days when I overdid and felt overdone, I got enough of a taste of that kind of life that I've decided to renew my option and carry on the journey with moderation. A life of moderation has many gifts.

One thing that happened when I stopped rushing around frantically, trying to be everything to everybody, is I began to hear and really listen to some voices I haven't acknowledged for awhile. Some young voices (and feelings) of Kathy's and Kate's who have lived inside my psyche for decades. Voices of the ones that feel like they are not enough, unlovable, less than. Ones that never had a voice because there was no one there who could listen. One's that were abandoned by the adults in their world. (who had also been abandoned) Ones that weren't met or celebrated in the childhood home I grew up in. A home were people did their best in an often chaotic environment dominated by alcohol, confusion and denial. What those folks lived with they learned, what they learned they practiced and what they practiced they became, and so it goes on.

Over the years I've learned that those little frightened children that weren't met still live inside us. It seems that I am now in a place where mine feel safe enough to come forward once again, tentatively, yet persistently, to be loved and cared for by me.

Frederick Buechner said it more poetically, "You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world, but a world lives in you.

At first I felt confused when they showed up again, out of the blue. What's up? The adult me is very happy and content. Then I felt irritated and impatient. Haven't I done enough work? Then sad. Are these guys always going to haunt me? Finally I judged myself mercilessly. How self indulgent. Dysfunctional. Pathetic.

What a shocking (uncaring) barrage of judgments my internal critic had!

Thankfully, it wasn't long before I realized that I was treating those wounded parts of me differently than I would if they were literal 'others' sitting right in front of me. Others being the operative word. I have no trouble caring for others when they are hurting. Children and adults, the children in adults. I've had years of experience with this. Workshops often constellate the wounded parts of participants and I meet those parts with love and caring. And they are one step further along towards healing.

Caring for myself? (especially my wounded selves) I don't have a frame of reference for that. It's never been modeled for me. My heart knows its important, even necessary, but my mind and my internal critic expects more of me than of anyone else. Expects me to be done with childhood things. After all, I tell myself, you've been working this stuff for 30 years now.

'When will you be done?' I ask myself. 'Who knows? Does it really matter? Aren't those little ones worth it? Don't they deserve it?' Of course they do. All children do.

How do I care for the parts of myself that I'm not proud of, that haven't quite grown up, that aren't always rational? That are sometimes downright whiny? First things first. Acknowledging I have those parts is step one.

I found this quote in my in box this morning.

"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind."
--Alex Karra

Courage to welcome these little ones? Yes it takes courage. It also takes caring.

I'm normally pretty good at caring, I bet you are too. Caring for others is easy, especially little ones. What about caring for self? Especially the parts of self that most often remain hidden from consciousness. What about caring for the little parts of ourself that pop up, unbidden as we are trying to go about living?

Linda Kavelin Popov reminds us that, 'caring is giving tender attention to the people and things that matter to us....being a compassionate witness, listening to another wholeheartedly and without judgment."

I am so down with this, going the extra mile for those I care about. Caring is one of my core virtues, unless (I've discovered) and until the one that needs caring for is some 'shadow' aspect of myself. Then it gets hard.

She goes on: "Caring is a sign of love. When we care for others, we notice how they feel and what they need. When we care for ourselves, we have more to give to others. Caring is a gift from the heart."

When I'm not being moderate, I'm too busy to notice these little ones inside that need my caring. I rush off to the next meeting or tackle the next duty. When feelings prick through it becomes easy to temporarily numb them with activity, or food, or some other kind of escape. Some people use gossip, or television, or romance novels. Some people use promiscuity, alcohol, other drugs. Their personal drug of choice. Whatever. It has the same effect. Those hurt ones are hurt all over again.

I've written before about the Fibromyalgia that knocked me out for a few years. After decades of living outside myself brought me to my knees when my body finally said, no, it began a long journey of love and acceptance. I began to learn the importance of listening to and caring for myself.

And I gained a greater appreciation of one of the meanings of Jesus' oft repeated refrain:

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." Gospel of Thomas

So, this month, along with moderation, I pledge to practice caring. Caring for my loved ones of course. For our earth and any beings the Goddess puts in my path, yes. In addition though, and especially, I pledge to practice caring for the needy ones living deep within me. I invite you to do the same.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Caring

I take an interest in others and listen deeply.

I look for ways to be considerate and helpful.

I am gentle and loving with anyone and anything I place in my care.

I give excellence to whatever I do.

I am passionate about my beliefs.

I take good care of myself.

I am thankful for the gift of caring. It helps me to express my love.

Reflection Questions

What practices would help me be more caring for the tender ones that live within me?

How can I balance caring for self and others?

What boundaries do I need to set in order to do so?

What habits could I let go of that keep me from caring for my self?

Volume 18 - Moderation

2010-03-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

I think this is going to be a pretty short entry.

I woke up this morning, after several months of some pretty intense work, feeling like I really need a vacation.

Funny, I had said this in early December, when the busyness of the holiday season was before me. Life had been very full and very busy for many months already.

I had just decided to 'clear the decks', 'take a break', give myself some time and space to attend to everything that needed attending to. I was going to take two months off from work outside the house, to focus on laying a new ground.

When the phone rang a couple of times that month with offers of interesting work, I almost instantly forgot my resolve and eagerly jumped at the chance to move into areas that called to me deeply.

I had no idea how much time and energy completing those contracts would end up requiring.

And now, here I am, fully three months later, that work done and almost a whole month spread out in front of me with no other work commitments, and many other undone (and delayed tasks) waiting.

Whew, are we exhausted. It's tempting to try to stop the world and get off for a few weeks.

One of the things that occupied my time this past month involved looking at the ways that an institution and its members were 'out of balance' and making recommendations as to how they could attempt to address them.

Ironically, doing that so enthusiastically put me out of balance. There were many 12-plus hour days when my feet saw only the floor between the kitchen, (where I sat, at my laptop, poring over data), the bathroom and the bedroom, where I flopped down in exhaustion at the end of the day ... only to arise the next morning and do it all over again.

I've been pretty fortunate in recent years. My 'out of home' work time has been more balanced than many people's; and the nature of the work means there are often many days between 'gigs', which has allowed my life overall to be more balanced than most. But there's a lot of preparation time for the kind of work I do, and if I were to be totally honest with myself, I'd have to say that when I'm working on a workshop, life has at times been pretty out of balance.

This past few months, more than ever. I've known it, but kept putting off doing much about it; telling myself, 'Once i get this behind me, there'll be space for a more balanced life'. I now see that creating that space is an 'inside job' -- and not creating it is foolish at best, dangerous at worst.

The Hopi call life out balance koyanisqaatsi -- one of the worst spiritual illnesses.

I see, with new eyes and deeper understanding, that "moderation [truly] is the silken thread running through the pearl chain of all virtues," as Joseph Hall put it. With all the emphasis on 'sustainability' in the news, and in spite of my being a mentor to others at times on creating 'A Pace of Grace' or sustainable life, I once again have fallen onto the Western pathway --'overdoing' -- which inevitably leads to overdone.

Living a life of moderation is certainly not a new concept. The ancient Greeks inscribed it on the temple of Apollo at Delphi: Meden Agan -- 'Moderation in all things.' And what is moderation? 'The process of eliminating or lessening extremes.' Wikipedia

Decades of living with an 'energy illness' taught me the importance of living in moderation.

How did I forget this important life principle, and think I could 'borrow' from all those years of living moderately and not face the true cost?

Like the false premise behind the 'sub-prime' mortgage fiasco that threatened to bring down the world's financial stability, my borrowing from my capital (believing that my energy reserves could sustain three months of daily overdrafts) has put me in a deficit. And now the bill has come due.

Yet again, I see my foolhardiness. Living this way won't work for me, or for my health, in the long term.

Sigh ... how to get back into balance after a quarter of a year being 'out of it'? And how to I ensure that I don't get back on that track again? Where do I begin?

I'd like to take the month of March to learn more about how to live a life of moderation ... every day, and in every way.

Linda Kavelin Popov says that 'moderation is being content with enough. Moderation protects us from the pull of addictive desires. We do not grasp to do or have more, in the belief that we are lacking. We do not try to be everything to everyone. We set healthy boundaries that value our time and energy. We protect ourselves from the stress of overdoing. We discern our own perfect rhythm. Moderation isn't deprivation. It is loving ourselves enough to choose what is just right."

Whew. Reading that, I now realize that being so out of balance these last few weeks will make it more challenging to live in balance over the next few weeks. There are many tasks I was not able to accomplish during the frenzy of work and deadlines that took up February. This was because I was not practicing moderation.

I now see that thinking I could take a whole month off at this point, merely to recuperate, is not only not realistic, it is not moderate.

Rather than going to the other extreme -- from working like 'an addict' to doing nothing (and leaving so many undone things that to complete them would require 'working like an addict' again) -- I want to get off the roller coaster. I want to regain my equilibrium.

I really need to call on "self-discipline to [learn how to] create a healthy balance between work, rest, reflection and play" (Linda Popov again). And not just for the month of March -- I need to learn how to do this every day.

It's a way to respect both myself and others, and it is a path to true contentment. I'm going to start by making a commitment today to create a sustainable life, a life of moderation.

If any of this resonates with you, I invite you to join me.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Moderation

I spend my time and energy sustainably.

I remember to pray and to play.

I am free of addictions.

I carry responsibility wisely.

I protect myself from the stress of excess.

I live gently and gracefully.

I am thankful for the gift of Moderation. It frees me to enjoy my life.

Reflection Questions

How can I create a balance -- this day -- between work, rest, reflection and play?

What boundaries do I need to set around my time and energy?

Whom do I need to set boundaries with, and what would those be?

What activities 'recreate' me, energize me and bring me joy?

Voume 17 - Respect

2010-02-01T09:11:00.000-08:00

Aretha Franklin sang "R.E.S.P.E.C.T - find out what it means to me."

"There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other." Chief Dan George

How do we show respect? To others, the earth, ourselves? What does respect look like?

Linda Kavelin Popov shares some ideas in the Virtues Reflection cards her company, VPI, publishes:

"Respect is an attitude of honoring ourselves and others as people of value. We care for each person's dignity. Everyone has the right to expect respect. We show respect in the courtesy of our words, and in our tone of voice. We are all exquisitely sensitive to respect. When we treat others as we would like to be treated, we raise the level of trust and peace in our relationships. Respect is having reverence for the earth and all living things. When we live respectfully, we are a source of grace in the world."

I feel better when I'm being respected. It's more than being liked. Oh, I appreciate being liked, it feels good. Feels even better to be loved and admired. But it's not necessary to me, to be liked, or loved and admired by everyone I meet. However if I feel seen and accepted, that I am a person of value, (even if the other doesn't like what I am saying, or even who I am) as long I feel respected, it's good enough for me.

I've been trying to write this blog for over a week now. Trying to find the time in part, but also trying to feel my way into words that would share some of my journey with this so important virtue. The energy has not been there. I would sit and ponder, write, backspace, ponder some more, log off. Come back to it later.

I'd ask myself, what does respect mean to me? And I would get on a path of circular thinking. I would begin to feel overwhelmed, and respecting that, rather than pushing the river, I would take some more time to ponder.

Recently I co-facilitated a day long workshop for a group of 200 people from all over the world. I was excited about the opportunity to introduce them to the Virtues Project, which teaches simple strategies for living and ways to live the qualities needed for success in any human endeavor, the virtues. I was sure they would be touched and that this work would benefit them in so many ways. And for many present, that was their overall experience. If there were parts that didn't resonate for them, they respectfully participated, for the most part with an open mind. It was a powerful day.

One of the things we did was a 'virtues pick'. Not an easy thing to do in a crowd of 200 +. We had to modify it somewhat, leaving a virtues card in an envelope at each participant's seat during the morning break. The odds on getting any particular virtue in this pick were 1 in 52.

Rather than move immediately to sharing with one or two others, everyone was given 20 minutes to read, reflect on and write about how that virtue spoke to them. They were assured that this was only for their own private knowledge.

I was surprised and delighted during the lunch break, when a young man from Japan (a culture that is animated by respect) sought me out to tell me how meaningful it was for him to receive and reflect on the 'Respect' card. What was even more surprising to me, was how obviously moved he was at the new things he learned about the practice of respect. (how could a man who had grown up in Japan, learn something new about respect by reflecting on the words on that small card, I wondered?) But it was clear he had.

Reflecting on that brought home to me once again the power of the virtues language and materials to illuminate and deepen our experience of ourselves and our lives. This young man knew many facets of the virtue of respect, yet, though he was from a country that holds highly the cultural value of respect, he still learned something new that was very meaningful and personal to him.

It reminded me of a time in my life when I was agonizing over an important relationship that had become very painful to me. (the individual I was trying to relate to had many issues from a traumatic childhood and rather than work on them, 'acted' them out by crossing boundaries and even being abusive in relationship to me)

I kept pulling the virtue of loyalty. At the time two of my children were very young and most of my 'virtues picks' were done on the fly, using a small set of beads we kept in a basket, with only the virtues name on them. After pulling loyalty about eight times in a row, and feeling utterly confused, because I was being loyal, (but it wasn't helping things) I decided to read the description of loyalty in the Family Virtues Guide. I learned that although loyalty is an important virtue for unity in the family, with friends or in the community, sometimes it's necessary to practice a higher loyalty, loyalty to self and the protection of same. I learned that the treatment I was experiencing from this person made it impossible for me to continue to be loyal to that relationship and to myself. That it was not healthy, not only for me, but also for them.

I came to see that the respectful thing for me to do was to set my boundaries, (ask for change), and if that change was not forthcoming, to end the relationship. Doing so would not only respect me and my worth, but also the other person, whom, for whatever reason, was unable to relate to me in a life giving, respectful way.

Ultimately, that relationship ended.

This began a process for me of really examining my own life and boundaries and learning to respect and live from the truth of who I really am and what I really need. A rich journey indeed.

Namaste~

~ Kate

If you'd like to order Virtues cards or books for your own personal development, you can click the link below to order

www.virtuesshop.com/108.html

The Practice of Respect

I treat myself and others with dignity.

I speak and act with courtesy.

I am a peace builder.

I expect respect at all times.

I honor the sacredness of all life.

I live graciously.

I am thankful for the gift of Respect. It helps me to handle life with care.

Reflection Questions

What boundaries do I need to set with others, in order to respect us both?

How do I respect my body?

How do I respect my own life's journey?

What does respect for myself call me to today?