Volume 15 - Hope

"Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the Soul
and sings the tune without the words
and never stops at all.

And sweetest in the gale is heard
and sore must be the storm
that could abash the little bird
that kept so many warm
I've heard it in the chilliest land
and on the strangest sea
Yet never in extremity
it asked a crumb of me."
~Emily Dickinson

I have to admit, sometimes it's difficult for me to 'look to the future with trust and faith." Or to be optimistic "in the face of adversity." (LKP - Virtues Reflection Cards) The state of the world, and the slow moving attempts to remedy things makes hope for humanity elusive at times. I often feel helpless as to what is my place in the scheme of things. Donating the small financial resources I can spare to Doctors Without Borders and other worthwhile humanitarian organizations feels a bit like spitting in the wind. My work as a Virtues Project Facilitator, though personally rewarding, often seems like not much of a contribution to the world.

Recently, I had an experience that renewed my hope. I was facilitating five days of virtues intensives in the small seaside town where I live on Vancouver Island. The participants ranged from their early 20's to late 60's and included White Anglos, First Nations and Middle Eastern; those from a strong fundamentalist religious stance to an 'open to the possibilities' but not attached to any definition of 'God' base. Male and female. Many of us had been victims of abuse and deprivation, (which might make it hard to trust others) a few had experienced extreme abuse and yet very quickly a safe container was built that allowed us to be really seen and heard.

As we listened to and learned about each other, what became apparent was how much we had in common, in spite of the outer differences, how similar the human journey is, no matter where we come from or what the colour of our skin or the beliefs we hold, and I was reminded that:

“We are all cells in the body of humanity—all of us, all over the world. Each one has a contribution to make, and will know from within what this contribution is, but no one can find inner peace except by working . . .for the whole human family.
"Inner peace is not found by staying on the surface of life, or by attempting to escape from life through any means. Inner peace is found by facing life squarely, solving its problems, and delving as far as possible to discover its verities and realities” Peace Pilgrim - From Words Along the Way

We were exploring the soul qualities that enable us to navigate the circumstances of our lives , and recognizing them in ourselves and each other. This profoundly affected our sense of our selves and even our well-being. We discovered that these qualities, or 'virtues' are necessary for success in any human endeavour. And, most powerful of all, that we could cultivate and nurture these qualities in ourselves (and others) by seeing and naming them, and that would not only assist us through our difficulties, (which in itself would be enough) but had the added bonus of helping us to see others and even ourselves as beautiful.

I've said before that the virtues project is not about some kind of 'prissy morality'. Learning about and drawing on the power of virtues such as courage help us get through our days. And when things seem the darkest, hearing others recognize those qualities in us pulls us up into the light of hopefulness.

To share our deepest pain and greatest fears and experience those present not only accept us, but see and name the qualities of our soul, (such as truthfulness, resiliency and determination) shining through, assisted us to see and accept them in ourselves.

"Hope, as I understand it, bears little resemblance to the kind of sunny-all-the-time optimism that turns away from anything resembling the shadow; nor is it about choosing to dwell in some rosy vision of the future in lieu of accepting what is. In the same way that an honest experience of faith includes periods of doubt, so too an experience of hope is known in part by our inability, at times, to feel its presence. We are able to discern our own experience of hope in part because we know what it’s like to be without it. . . . " Peter Anderson

The times in my life when it's been hardest to hope, I've instinctively known, as Linda Kavelin Popov says, that "there are gifts to be gleaned from all that happens." and that "hope gives us the courage to keep moving forward." Though, "it can be elusive when we have suffered often, ...it is the light that can redeem our dreams."

Barbara Kingsolver wisely suggests, "The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof."



Each member of the rag tag group of humanity that shared their deepest pain and highest hope in the hall of an aging church in a litle town by the sea this past week, found {perhaps to their surprise} - love, acceptance and perhaps above all - hope. May it be so for all beings.

~Namaste'

~ Kate

The Practice of Hope

I maintain a positive attitude.

I embrace my life fully.

I have faith in the value of life.

I have the confidence to succeed.

I seek to discern life's lessons.

I persevere through all conditions.

I am thankful for the gift of Hope. It is the light of my life.

Reflection Questions

What do I hope for?

What gifts is my current situation bringing me?

What keeps my hope alive?

How can I share my hope with those who have lost theirs?

Voume 14 - Integrity

"If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud." --Emile Zola

For so many years, decades in fact, this was one of the most difficult things for me, to truly be who I am.

I looked outside myself for approval and guidance.  Is this who I am?  If I be this, will I belong?  If I do this, will you like me?  Love me?  Stay with me? Be my friend?  Approve?   And if I be this, am I in integrity?  Often, I knew I was not, but gee, I really wanted to belong, to fit in somewhere.  I would vacillate between trying to be (whole) me, and trying to please others.   

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English language defines integrity thus:

in·teg·ri·ty  (n-tgr-t)

n.

1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.

2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.

3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

Linda Kavelin-Popov writes of integrity as "...standing up for what we believe is right.   We keep faith with our ideals and live by our deepest values.  We keep our agreements reliably.  Our actions match our words.  We strive to balance impeccable integrity and unfailing tenderness for others and ourselves.  We cherish the challenge of doing the right thing in all circumstances.  We give excellence to whatever we undertake.  We live by our personal covenant."  Weighty words.  

I'm very aware how often I fall short of being in integrity.  In big and small ways.  For instance, writing this newsletter. Here it is the 3rd of October, and I pledged to write on the 1st of each month.  It's important to me do be reliable.  I fully intended to do so, yet I find myself three days late.  Well, that is something I can forgive myself for.  I've had a sinus cold, my kids were both sick, things got behind, it's hard to think when your head is stuffy and sore.  All true.

Today, before writing, I honored an agreement to take my son to a craft fair he was marketing his jewelry at, and my daughter to the costume sale at our local theatre, followed by lunch out, with my two youngest daughters.  And I'm reminded that sometimes it's proper to forgo the important for the more important.  (and does anyone really read this newsletter anyway?)  There are times, when 'taking care of business', or ourselves, trumps our best laid plans.

Was a time I would have stayed up 'til the wee hours to make the deadline I had set for myself, now, increasingly, self care is more often what I choose.  A graceful pace in which to live my life.

I tried for a long time, to live by the values and rules written outside of me.  Rules that in some cases I made agreements to obey. Rules that were clearly those of others.  I looked to my family, friendships,  the society around me, my religion for how to be.  Largely, I followed the rules those institutions laid out for me.

Often, I was not happy. Eventually I became sick.  And, invariably I fell short.  (still do)

A couple of years ago, I made the decision to discover and follow the rules written in my heart.  To 'live out loud'.  I'm still working on it.  It's scary to forge out on a solo path, but if I don't live into my uniqueness, how can I be complete and whole?  How can I be in integrity?  

Many rules I agree with.  Even then, sometimes it's tempting to break them. 

I've been known to neglect to mention it, at the grocery store check out, if an item rings up cheaper than it said on the aisle.  It niggles some, but is soon forgotten.  How does that affect my integrity, my feeling sound within myself?

 Today, on our way to lunch, we discovered a little shop in our small town with a 75% off sale.  Another main-street 'casualty' of Wall-street - closeout sale.

Never one to pass up a bargain, I went right in.   I found some useful and valuable things.  The cashier rang up my total, $ 19.69, I paid and left the store.  Something niggled, rankled.  The retail total of my purchases was something in the order of $ 130.00.  I know math isn't my strong suit, but something must be off.

For some reason, she had neglected to charge me for some items.   I was faced with a moral dilemma.

"She was the person in charge, I showed her everything I was purchasing, it's up to her to make sure she calculates things properly", one of my internal committee members challenged.   

"Everyone makes mistakes. Now that I know she did,  to be in integrity, I must go back and rectify it", said another.

I'm humbled to say, I went back and forth between the polarity of those opinions for at least a minute, maybe two, before I walked back in the store and pointed out the discrepancy.  

 I felt like I was standing in integrity.   I guess, you could say, by standing on my own holy ground, my own internal integrity, I was, in a small way, helping to 'put the world right'.  Had I listened to the voice that tempted me to accept the situation as some kind of 'windfall', what impact might that have had on my heart?  My soul?  And, even in a small way, the world?

"To put the world right... we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."  Confucius

And, my heart felt good.

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Integrity

I live by my ideals.

I am faithful to the virtues of my character.

I am trustworthy.

I temper righteousness with forgiveness.

I strive to do the right thing.

I abide by my heart's deepest promise.

I am thankful for integrity.  It supports me to walk my talk.

Reflection Questions

What action does integrity call me to?

What is my heart's deepest promise?

What are my highest ideals?

What is the impact on me, when I fail to live by them?

Volume 13 - Beauty

Can it really be September 1st?  My body is not ready to move into fall, but still languoring in the pace it set for me this summer.

Life is unfolding in beauty and grace and I'm not ready to leap into the fray today.

I'm grateful for the beauty that showed up in my life this summer, new love, new work, new internal  ground.

"Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."  Rumi

D.H. Lawrence opined (and I have come to learn this deep in my bones) that 'the human soul needs actual beauty more than bread."

Linda Kavelin Popov contends that 'beauty is a sense of wonder and reverence for the harmony, color, and loveliness of the world.'

Through beauty we are opened to the 'deep patterns of life that inform and delight us.'  We 'feel our connectedness with all creation.'  And indeed, 'Living beautifully is a unique expression of our divine nature."

May you discover and embrace those things that you find beautiful.  

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Beauty

I spend time in the beauty of nature.

I am inspired by the mysteries of life.

I look for the good within everyone.

I express my own creativity.

I create a space of beauty and order around me.

I speak and act graciously.

I am thankful for the gift of Beauty.  It nourishes my soul.

Reflection Questions

How does beauty call to me today?

How do I reflect beauty in my life?

What creative practices connect me to the beauty that is all around me?

How can I make room for them in my day to day life?

Volume 12 - Initiative

Geothe penned, "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

Tonight, I saw those words manifested.

My seventeen year old son, an artist/musician/singer/songwriter,  idealist, lover of nature and humanity, philosopher in training, was playing a short set at a local bistro's open mic.

I wasn't sure what time he was on, and didn't want to miss him, so I rolled in there about 7:30, only to find, after ordering my iced latte that he wasn't on for almost two hours.

And so I  sat and listened to some wonderful folks sing and play their hearts out. And I was moved.  What  I witnessed (and was moved by) I recognized as  the virtue of initiative lived out loud.

Linda Kavelin Popov, co-founder of the Virtues Project tm, tells us, "Initiative is originality and creativity in action."  She goes on to tell us, that when we practice initiative, "we boldly express new ideas" and "discover a new method, or find a different way to solve a problem."

"We use our creativity to bring something new into the world.  With initiative, we dare to be original."

This is a card I chose recently, during my morning 'virtues pick'....I took it as a confirmation of a new venture in working with people that I am collaborating on with someone else.  

And tonight, sitting there in the Dancing Bean Coffee shop, listening to those incredibly talented young and not so young people, sing and play their original songs, I was awed by their initiative.

The young girl, who confidently belted out "I am not a piece of meat", an original song she called a feminist rant.  She 'sang' her message, with heart and soul,(and a good dose of 'playfulness') and brought shivers to everyone in the house.

The young adult, (my neighbor) who's fingers flew like lightening on an instrumental that should have earned him a far greater reward that our applause might  ever offer.  And on who's face it could clearly be seen, the playing was the reward and we were gifted with a little glimpse.  I spoke to his father on my way out.  He told me that his son just ran with guitar, after the initial six months of balking at practice.  Hours and hours of 'playing' every free moment he could.  

 My own son, who to me, exemplifies the virtue of initiative is a unique explorer that walks to a different drum.  His own.  Would that it could be so for the rest of us.  How would the world be changed if we all,  'lived out loud' and shared our ideas and talents for the common good.

He got up to the mic, joined by his father on djembe and a fellow musician, invited at the last minute to play violin.  And he played and sang from his heart, making it up as he went along,  holding each of us, riveted to our seats.  His second offering, was the most unique plea for the community to do something for the youth (our international treasure) that I have ever seen.

A song/rap playful rant of common sense that warmed and called and amazed those of us lucky enough to witness it.  Almost entirely improv.

An act of initiative, heretofore unseen.  Hmmm.  What  messages, initiatives await to be born, from my heart?  From yours?

And how can we nurture them.  This question has been on my heart this summer.  

I almost didn't write this month. (and don't plan to labor for hours over how this sounds or how well it's crafted)   I'm taking a little sabbatical.  Time for gestating.  Working on the inner growth that will result in outer manifestation.  Floating in the ocean.  Napping.  Pottering  in the garden.   Writing in my journal.  Playing.  Hanging with my friends, and my kids and my grandchildren.

  Pondering, on - among other things - Rumi's wisdom.  "You are the truth from foot to brow.  Now what else would you like to know?"  

Hearing those musicians last night, knowing the years and hours they spent, 'playing' with their craft, listening to their inner wisdom, and allowing it to flow, encouraged me to keep on listening to my own.   

See you in September. 

Namaste~

~ Kate

The Practice of Initiative

I have the courage to be original.

I solve problems creatively.

I see challenges as opportunities.

I am confident in initiating untried ideas.

I engage in tasks with enthusiasm.

I am a pioneer.

Reflection questions

What truth within me is waiting to be born?

How can I live my life out loud?

What does my heart call me to?

Volume 11 - Trust

Fourteen years ago, I received a very special  (and treasured) gift, from a dear friend I wish I saw more of.

I was on a women's retreat, (the second of what was to become a yearly event) and this dear soul gifted each of us with a cross stitched bookmark of the virtue of Trust.  At the time I didn't know how significant that virtue would become to me.  It has seen me through a series of losses, betrayals and changes that without it, would have sunk me.

"Trust is having faith, hope and a positive outlook.  Trust is believing in someone or something.  We have confidence that the right thing will come about without trying to control it or make it happen.  We trust others to do what they say they will do, and give them the space to be trustworthy.  Sometimes it is difficult to trust when life brings painful experiences.  Trust is being sure, in the depths of our being, that there is some gift or learning in everything that happens.  We move confidently with the flow of life, gathering strength from adversity.  We know we are never alone."  Linda Kavelin Popov, Virtues Reflection cards.

Life has taught me, through various adversities, that sometimes Trust is all I can hold onto.

Recently, a mentally ill ex husband of an old friend has been saying disparaging things about me  to people that I know. Apparently he has false beliefs about me that he has been nursing and feeding for close to two decades.  This individual is not only ill, but someone I have come to know as 'abusive'.  (the reason his ex left him in the first place) For some reason, abusive people have  populated my life in an unbalanced and unwanted ratio, to the point of affecting my health and my well being quite profoundly.

The accusations are not only damning but slanderous, and for the first couple of days I felt so upset I could think of little else.  

"Be careful what you ask for," comes to mind, as several years ago I heard Wayne Dyer speaking about his absolute detachment from caring what others thought of him and I impulsively said to the Universe and various friends, "I want to get to the place where I don't care what anyone else thinks of me."

I've learned that when we put out something like that, what comes to meet us first is everything that gets in the way of it becoming or being true in the first place.   I was attracted to the 'freedom' Wayne Dyer dangled like a carrot in front of my psyche, because  at the time I cared very deeply what others thought of me, so much so, that for most of my life thus far, I  had spent much of my time and energy trying to 'manage' that.  (and what others think about us is not manageable)

For example, I was once hosting a rather critical and judgmental guest for dinner, (someone I very much wanted to approve of, accept and even love me).  I spent the better  part of my whole weekend getting my house in order.  (the only other time it was so clean and tidy that I can be sure of was the day I first toured it, when the previous owners were still in possession) 

The only room that did not sparkle and shine while exemplifying orderliness was the laundry room, whose floor was covered with many loads of unwashed clothes. ( I left the door closed so that she would not see it)  

After dinner, she was to take a sauna and as luck would have it, rather than change her clothes in the bathroom as I invited her to, she decided to go into the laundry room next door, and then had no problem sharing her critical judgment about my 'housekeeping'.

I learned a very important lesson that day.  I have no control over what others think of me.  Got it.  (I'm still learning how not to care)

I wish I could say that when adversity strikes I always have "faith, hope and a positive outlook.",  but that wouldn't be true.  Sometimes to get there, I need to call on other virtues to help me.

In the case of the backbiting slanderer, I have been very much drawing on the virtue of detachment to be wedded to trust and I can honestly say that in this moment, I have no emotional charge about this.

His point of view is his point of view and he is going to hold it until he doesn't.  I myself have been guilty of misjudging another many times.  I can make up stories in my own mind about situations to match the best of them.  (only to be made aware how wrong I was at some future point)

My work it seems to me, is to continue to learn to love and accept myself,  and others in all our messy glory and  very perfectly imperfect humanity.   His work (and whether or not he takes it on) is his business.  And to a recovering co-dependent, finally getting that, is very good news.

Namaste

~ Kate

 The Practice of Trust

I maintain my hope.

I do not nag others or try to control them.

I believe there is some good in everything that happens.

I allow trust to heal my fears.

I am confident in my capacity for lifelong learning.

I rely on Divine assistance.

I am thankful for the gift of Trust.  It renews my strength.

Reflection Questions

How can I allow trust to heal my fears?

What do I believe in?

What are the gifts in my life's challenges?

How can I detach from what others think of me?

Voume 10 - Simplicity

Volume 10 – Simplicity

 

“Simplicity is being content with the basic gifts of life.  We live reflectively and mindfully, aware of what is important and what is not.  We cherish those we love.”  Linda Kavelin Popov

 For most of my life, I’ve been drawn to simplicity.

An potluck dinner  with friends, followed by an evening playing Pictionary, or charades or music.  An  afternoon in the garden, weeding, planting or harvesting.  Filling my mind with new ideas through the magic of the written word in books and articles.  A movie that moves me.  A walk by the ocean or in the forest.   Recently I’ve been enjoying the simple pleasure of sitting on my deck and enjoying the beautiful view of the ocean below my home.   Basking in the warm, sun soaked Pacific coast weather,  watching the sailboats in Chemainus Bay, I almost feel like I’m in Italy or Greece.

 

 A phone conversation with a treasured friend, or an ongoing email conversation with same are among the things that nurture and sustain me.  My morning yoga practice.  These are the things that ‘float my boat’ as they say.

 

When I was home-schooling my two youngest children we spent many an hour at the beach below our house.  We’d pack up lunches, snacks and drinks, hats, blankets, books  and shovels and down we’d go.  Our imaginations and the natural beauty of the place kept us busy for hours on end.

 

It was a cool place to spend hot summer afternoons and we often met some interesting people.  (and it cost absolutely nothing)

 

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with one of my closest friends, touring local gardens.  We stopped by the ocean, sitting on the beach in the sand to enjoy a delicious picnic and great conversation.

 

I’ve been blessed to have more time for these simple pleasures and I’m looking forward to spending time in my studio this summer, creating beauty from found objects as I explore a new interest, mosaic.

 

Simplicity ‘frees our minds from the stress of overdoing.  We appreciate the little things, daily joys, and opportunities to be kind.  We live in the moment and savor what is right before our eyes.  We enjoy simply being.” LKP

 

Many of us have become more human doings that human beings.  For some of us it crept up on us, unawares, until we realized our lives were no longer sustainable.

We may have seen the signs, but perhaps we ignored them, pushing on further, keeping on keeping on.  If we continue to live complex lives that are not sustainable over the long haul, something’s got to give.  It may be our relationships, our sense of well being, and if we ignore the signs for too long, our health will be affected.

 

 

All of us have been affected by the global economic situation in some way.  All of us have been affected economically, even if we are still gainfully employed.  Stuff costs more.  We might be more aware that things  are changing (and when you think about it, at a deep level, I’m sure you’ll agree they must change)  Our earth and our survival as a species depends on it.  A shift, a transformation is upon us.  And many are rethinking what they need to be happy, to feel successful. 

 

Many people are talking about creating something Eckart Tolle named, “A New Earth.”

 

Whether we are actively trying to create this, or passively watching to see how it plays out, we are co creating right this minute and every minute a new earth.  

 

As we look towards its unfoldment, gestating in this ‘in between time’, let us strive to embrace the virtue of simplicity, whenever and wherever we can.

Namaste~

~ Kate

 The Practice of Simplicity

I am satisfied with what I have.

I know what I care about.

I clear my life of clutter and excess.

I am true to my purpose.

I appreciate the little things.

I enjoy living.

I am thankful for the gift of Simplicity.  It allows me to appreciate what really matters.

Reflection Questions

What simple things bring me joy?

What do I care about?

What do I need to let go of to simplify my life?

What is my true purpose?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Volume 9 - Resilience

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.    Whoever said that could have been talking about the virtue of resilience, (or persistence, determination, perseverence, steadfastness,  well, you get the idea)  Perhaps Nietzsche said it best, "That which does not destroy, strengthens."

Dr. Dan Popov, cofounder of the Virtues Project tells us “virtues are required for success in every human endeavour.”   He further points out, we even need virtues, (the qualities of our character) to do the wrong thing.  How could a street gang be successful in its purpose, without loyalty.  How could a family?  

It seems to me that one of the virtues humanity requires now, both individually and collectively is the virtue of resilience.  Can the news get any worse?  From war and famine, economic collapse, environmental degradation, and now the daily specter of imminent catastrophe in the form of a global flu pandemic.

Sadly, many people lose sight of the importance of the virtue of resilience when things get really rocky.  The suicides precipitated by the global financial meltdown are a tragic and graphic example of how not to be successful.  Nobody can know completely what factors cause a human being to take his/her own life, but loss of money is a very sad reason indeed.

Real success cannot be measured by one’s bank account or monetary assets.  Real  success is more nebulous.  It means different things to different people.  However, I do believe it has something to do with resilience.

“Resilience is the strength of spirit to recover from adversity.”  Linda Kavelin Popov, Virtues Reflection Cards  She goes on to say, "When we experience disappointment, loss, or tragedy, we find the hope and courage to carry on.  Humor lightens the load when it seems to heavy.  We overcome obstacles by tapping into a deep well of faith and endurance."

If you've been following my blog at all, you may have noticed I'm a collector of quotes.  Words and the ideas they portray attract me immensely.   Norman Vincent Peale a lifelong proponent of the benefits of positive thinking said, "How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself - so always think positively."

Though it may be hard to think of the present situation facing humanity in a positive light, there is much to be thankful for.  Feedback like we are getting (from the environment and the systems that are collapsing around us)  could be the catalyst for the change we need in how we live on this earth.  Some of us in the west are getting a tiny whiff of what it's been like for our brothers and sisters in the third world for eons.  

Problems do abound.  And challenges are great. I'm reminded again of the words of Reinhart Niebuhr.  "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I cannot change others or history, (and often, even aspects of myself)  What can I do?

What can any one person, or family or workplace or community do to solve the problems facing the planet?  Theodore Roosevelt had an idea worth considering, "Have you got a problem?  Do what you can where you are with what you've got."

If it seems overwhelming, just pick one thing, make one change.

One of the results of the tumultuous economy for me is that work has been slower  the last year or so.  I've had more free time on my hands.  I could wring my hands in worry or despair, (something I've been wont to do during past times of uncertainty) but what would that solve? 

I could throw up my hands in despair and give up, but how would that serve anything?

Instead, I chose, sometimes daily, to look to the positive.   I've taken to being more flexible and creative in my approach to my business, which has opened new doors of opportunity to me, including exploring work with people all over the world, via teleseminar.

And I am using the extra time to  put my house in order (literally).  From painting to repairs, to clearing out what is no longer useful or needed, to creating order.  (always my challenge virtue)

Lately, it has involved spending a lot of time in the garden.  I expect to have the best crop of vegetables I've been able to manage in quite sometime.  While I'm working in the soil, it frees my mind to wander; thoughts and ideas float by, like dandelion seeds, and because my attention is more diffuse, I'm catching one of the main themes.  So, in the process of putting my external house in order, I've discovered there's order to be put in my internal house.  My psyche.

 I've noticed in my garden musings that too much of my self talk, is on the negative side.  I've  begun to realize how hard I am on myself.  And I've been pondering that.  Where does that come from?  You've heard the saying, when the student is ready the teacher appears?  

Yesterday, I was blessed to be a participant in a body of work called Family Constellation, a leading form of therapy in Germany, where it originates.   Developed by Bert Hellinger, a German psychologist, Family Constellation  integrates systems theory, psychotherapy, family and group therapy and phenomenology.

"The work is based on a simple but profound idea: our well-being is tied to the well-being of our family system, or 'family soul, which includes the living, the dead, and generations that preceded us.  It invokes an ancient practice (honoring the ancestors) with a post-modern spin (temporarily re-creating our 'tribe')."  writes Louise Danielle Palmer, the editor of Spirituality and Health The Soul/Body Connection in the Nov/Dec 2006 issue.

This is not the first time I've been exposed to this idea.  Most indigenous ways understand the importance of honoring the ancestors.  Mayan culture teaches us to feed (honor) our ancestors, or they will feed on us. Physics has taught us that energy is neither destroyed nor created, energy is transformed.  Could this in some way explain the dysfunctional patterns (such as addiction) that seem so rampant in generation after generation?  You've heard the Biblical saying the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons?  

Going into the workshop, I didn't know what to expect and thought I'd just observe.  However, I witnessed two 'constellations' which appeared to be illuminating for the 'client', a term used to describe the person who's family dynamics are being examined, so I  decided to put myself in the 'hot seat'.

What unfolded was an uncanny process, whereby 'representatives' that agreed to stand in for the various members of my family of origin, without prior knowledge of those people's personality, somehow were able to tap into the essence of those people.  The impressions, thoughts and feelings  as well as the dynamics that were enacted, very closely matched those of the people they were portraying.  

It would be impossible to give you the flavor of the experience, here in words, and I'm certain it will be some days before I am fully cognizant of the significance of everything that came to light.

One thing I learned  is the incredible resilience it took for some of my ancestors merely to survive.  

This awakened in me a  deeper compassion, not only for the family members that wounded me, but for myself and for the human condition, a unity of spirit between myself and the rest of my family.  And made me awestruck at the resilience of a human being.

 Could it be,  is it even remotely possible, that this process enabled me to shed my shame?  (my stated intention at the outset of my 'family constellation)  I guess only time and perspective will answer that question. What I can report, is that somehow, today, I feel my nobility, dignity and grace, (and my innocence), in a new way.  And  even if it turns out  that is the only benefit, I consider the time more than well spent.

 I'm off to the garden now, (where I will monitor my 'self talk').

Namaste

~ Kate

The Practice of Resilience

When trouble comes, I stay strong.

I have the flexibility to bounce back.

I have the faith to overcome.

I find comfort in community.

I trust hardship to cultivate my character.

I fully engage in living.

I am thankful for the gift of Resilience.  It keeps me growing.

Reflection Questions

How have I grown through hardship?

What gives me the resilience to face adversity?

Who is my community?

What would help me shed my shame for any perceived shortcomings?